


Barisi Advent 2017

by jamesgatz1925



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Advent Calendar, Christmas, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kidfic, Love, M/M, One Shot, Song fic, Songfic, Standalone unless stated otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-09 10:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 18,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12885723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: My now annual Barisi Advent! This year every fic is based on a Christmas song.





	1. All I Want For Christmas Is My Girl (New Edition)

Rafael pulls another string of bright tinsel from a box, again wondering what the hell is happening. It’s December the first, barely a week after Thanksgiving, and he’s stuck at the Carisi house unpacking boxes and boxes of Christmas decorations. He wasn’t invited to Christmas last year, as his and Sonny’s relationship was so new it wasn’t even called a relationship, but he had seen a family photo and could see the family decorated as if they were in the North Pole.

Rafael had asked a received a glare, wondering why New York’s most Catholic family didn’t decorate their homes for Jesus but for Santa instead. As punishment, he was dragged along for decorating this year.

Luckily, Italians like their wine; a bottle was opened immediately after Sonny and Rafael walked though the door and Rafael’s glass has been full since.

Everyone is having fun, though. Sonny and Dom assembled the tree, Theresa and Gina strung the lights, and now Bella is assisting the kids in putting up the decorations.

Rafael is in charge of placing tinsel...everywhere. That’s what Deb said. Just everywhere. Wherever he thinks need to shimmer, which is apparently everywhere.

Sonny had disappeared with Dom a while ago and Rafael just now notices he’s alone with Sonny’s family. It’s only a matter of time before they begin hounding him with personal questions.

Rafael is about to take off to the bathroom before they can, but Sonny renters the room.

“Found it!” Sonny announces.

Theresa, Gina, and Bella all groan.

“Oh Sonny, not again!” Theresa cries.

“I thought Mom broke that last year!” Gina adds.

“No, she just hid it, and not very well apparently,” Bella informs them.

Sonny ignores them and hunches over the cute vintage record player in the corner.

“What did he find?” Rafael ventures to ask.

The girls each open their mouths to answer, but the music begins before they can.

Rafael doesn’t immediately recognize the tune, because it starts as any old Christmas song, but in seconds the beat starts and Rafael recognizes it over the girls groaning again. Sonny begins to dance.

The song came out in 1985, when Rafael was a young teen. The first time he’d heard it, he was at his first party. Fourteen or fifteen, it was the first grownup-less party anybody on his block had. This song came on and everyone was excited, and Rafael got to snuggle up with a pretty girl as she danced happily to the year’s cute love song.

The chorus began while Rafael daydreams.

Sonny began to sing with a high-pitched voice, “All I want for Christmas is my giiiirl...”

And his sisters join, “Christmas is my girl...”

Rafael laughs, making his presence known once again. Sonny fixes him with a stare as he sidles towards him.

“Dance with me, baby,” Sonny offers, holding a hand out.

Bella grabs Tommy, Theresa takes her son’s hands, and Gina gets into the arms of their laughing father. Everyone in the room begins to dance and laugh like this is something that happens all the time.

“Can’t say no to his favorite Christmas song, Rafi!” Theresa says.

With a smile, Rafael takes Sonny’s hand. He dances like he had as a teen, only now with the love of his life.

Sonny still sings: “I know I see angels...When I look in your eyes...When I wake up on Christmas Day...You’ll be my big surprise...”

Rafael rolls his eyes, but he sways with Sonny. He couldn’t not dance, not with the giant grin on Sonny’s face or the pretty blush on Sonny’s cheeks or the sparkle in Sonny’s eyes. Rafael loves it, loves him, and can’t imagine being anywhere other than freakin’ Staten Island while decorating Santa’s workshop for Christmas.

At the end of the song, there’s a conversation section. At the end, the singer says his two favorite girls are his mother and his ‘candy girl’.

Sonny changes the lyrics himself. “My favorite girl, my Ma,” he dances next to Deb and kisses her cheek while she laughs at him. “And my favorite guy,” Sonny leans in and kisses Rafael lightly.

Rafael laughs and feels more joy than he thought he would while decorating for Christmas.

He figures that this holiday season won’t be so bad.


	2. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This drabble includes Sebastian!

Sebastian’s Christmas wish list will not stop growing. Almost every day, the nine-year-old thinks of something else he’d like Santa to bring him, because he’s been an extra good boy all year and deserves it all.

Today, in his neatest handwriting so Santa can read it, Sebastian adds, “A new pair of R2D2 mittens”, since his are soaked frozen from playing in the snow after school.

The mittens are just about the most sensible thing on the list, as the first dozen items are expensive electronic devices. A Nintendo Switch, a new iPad, expensive headphones...he’s thought of it all.

His dads do not like this. Years past, Sebastian has asked for maybe one expensive item, which was reasonable, but this year he is just being greedy.

“What’s next?” Rafael asks, reviewing the list one morning. “A hippopotamus?”

Sonny snorts a laugh. Sebastian thinks.

“Maybe a snake?” he asks.

Rafael pales. “We are not getting a snake.”

“Son,” Sonny diverts. “Don’t you think your list is getting a little long?”

“Santa can—“

Santa can do anything, that’s what they’ve always told him. And they don’t want the reality to make Sebastian lose the magic in believing.

“Well,” Rafael tells him. “Santa has a lot of kids to take care of.”

“I know, but—“

Sonny knows they already purchased Sebastian’s gift, so he adds, “Look, Santa will choose the right gift for you, okay? Just keep being a good boy.”

Sebastian’s greed doesn’t end, and Rafael grows so close to telling Sebastian he’s not getting anything at all. He loses being kind and thankful for gifts and instead focuses on getting the biggest, greatest gifts.

Sonny tries to remind him the meaning of Christmas, that it’s really to celebrate Jesus and his birth. Sebastian asks why so many Christmas songs are about presents and not Jesus.

“Well, what about love?” Rafael asks. “When I was growing up, Christmas wasn’t about presents because your Abuela couldn’t afford presents for me—“

“What about Santa—“

“Listen to me, honey. Abuela couldn’t afford to get me everything I wanted, so I learned not to even ask Santa for a lot. Christmas, for us, was just about family and being together. We would cook together, dance together.”

“Yeah,” Sonny adds. “Christmas is about family, baby.”

Sebastian thinks about it. “I still want a Nintendo.”

Rafael and Sonny sigh.

Sebastian’s behavior goes on, and Rafael and Sonny just ignore him. Rafael still jokes that he’ll ask for a hippopotamus next.

Finally, one afternoon, Sebastian mopes through the front door. Sonny and Rafael watch him, confused and concerned.

“Dads,” Sebastian says, joining them at the kitchen island, “I thought of one more thing I want to add to my list.”

Rafael and Sonny, who are so tired of the damn list, almost start scolding him right then.

“Son—“

“Wait, listen. I was walking home with Reyes...”

Reyes is a young boy who lives a few blocks away from them, and even though he and Sebastian don’t go to the same school, Sebastian likes to meet him on his route so they can walk together.

“...And he said his daddy just got fired, and they can’t have Christmas. They don’t even have a tree, Dad!”

Rafael and Sonny glance at each other.

“Okay?” Rafael ventures.

“I want to buy them Christmas.”

Rafael and Sonny remain silent, waiting for Sebastian to elaborate. When Sebastian doesn’t, they begin.

“What do you mean, son? Like presents and—“

“Everything!” Sebastian cries. “I wanna go get them a tree and stockings and yummy Christmas cookies and lights and everything. We can get a present for Reyes and his little brothers, even though Santa will go to his house still, right?” Sebastian suddenly pauses. His eyes grow wide. “Dad, wait, will Santa not come to their house if they don’t have a tree? We have to get them a tree!”

“Sebastian, buddy, calm down,” Sonny says. “Let Daddy and I talk about it, okay?”

“Daddy,” Sebastian says seriously. “I won’t ask for anything if we can help Reyes and his family.”

Sonny and Rafael look at each other with soft eyes. Their baby has learned his own definition of Christmas.

Of course, Sonny and Rafael absolutely help Reyes’ family with Christmas. They go over to their house a few afternoons after Sebastian comes to them, and they’re more than grateful for the gift.

Sebastian goes shopping with them for gifts for Reyes and his little brothers.

“Hey Dad,” Sebastian says, pulling a big stuffed hippopotamus from a shelf. “This for the baby?”

Rafael laughs as Sebastian tosses it into the shopping cart.

Their Christmas ends up magical, and Sebastian learns that he doesn’t need to ask for everything under the sun.

Not even a hippopotamus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy. If you have a song to request, let me know!


	3. O Holy Night

The air was cool and crisp and clear. The stars were shining brightly in the dark winter night, and Sonny, ever the good little Catholic boy in heart and soul, shined just as bright in the excitement to accompany his family to midnight Christmas mass for the first time in years.

Perpetually the new guy, Sonny hadn’t had the opportunity to get Christmas Eve and Christmas off, but this year Sonny had jumped on it.

Sonny had ulterior motives of attending mass tonight, as well. Sonny really wanted a moment alone with Father George, who had been his guidance most of his life. Father George baptized him, gave him his first communion, Confirmed him, and now he wanted to ask Father George for the blessing of his engagement.

Sonny wasn’t engaged yet, but he hoped that tomorrow afternoon he would be. He just felt doubts, and he wished to discuss it with Father George.

Sonny was quiet and attentive through mass, of course, even though he had this huge weight on his mind. What if Father George told him he couldn’t get engaged? Couldn’t get married? What if Father George did not love him after this confession, and in turn God? Sonny was lost.

Finally, mass ended, and Sonny felt the Holy Spirit in his heart. He spent an extra moment alone in the pew, thanking God for this beautiful night and his beautiful life, until he saw Father George exit his room behind the altar and head for the side door to outside.

“Father,” Sonny called out, standing quickly and blessing himself before exiting the pew.

Father George waited. “Dominick!” he cried. “I thought I saw your face in the crowd. How are you, my boy?”

Sonny took Father George’s offered hands and bowed before him. “I’m good, Father, wonderful, in fact.” Sonny was nervous.

“You don’t sound wonderful, Dominick. Do you need a confession?”

“Not a confession, Father. At least, I hope not. I was wondering if we could have a minute alone?”

Father George nodded welcomingly. “Walk with me.”

They went outside and Sonny was glad to have his coat, but Father George had none. Sonny, ever the polite young man, offered his.

“Don’t be silly, my boy,” Father said. “I am the fool who did not bring one outside.”

Sonny chuckled.

“Now,” Father said next. “What is it you want to talk to me about?”

“Well, Father. I, uh...I might get engaged tomorrow.”

“Oh? That’s wonderful! Who’s the lucky girl?”

“Well, that’s the thing, Father. His name is Rafael.”

To Sonny’s relief, Father George’s expression didn’t change. “I see,” he said.

“I just wanna know—“

“Dominick,” Father stopped him. “I can’t tell you who to choose to love.”

“But the church...God...”

“People like the to interpret God’s word in different ways. Do you want my opinion?”

“Of course.”

Father George stopped walking and faced Sonny. “I’ve always believed that God made people exactly the way they were supposed to be made. God doesn’t make mistakes, my boy. If you’ve found love with...what was his name?”

“Rafael.”

“Rafael. If you’ve found love with Rafael, then it was God’s intention.”

Joy bloomed in Sonny’s chest. Father’s speech was better than Christmas morning.

“Thank you, Father,” Sonny said, taking Father’s hands in his again.

After their moment of thanks, Father blessed Sonny again. Sonny felt it in his bones. Everything felt right.

They began walking again when Father shivered. Sonny thought it was time to get back to his family, anyway.

“Can I come to the wedding, Dominick?”

“What? Of course.”

“Can I bring someone?”

Sonny laughed. “You, bring a date? Father—“

“You judging your priest for bringing a date to your gay wedding?”

Sonny laughed harder. “Father!”

Father George laughed along with him.

Sonny met his family once again, and everyone bid Father George a goodnight.

“So,” Sonny started as they walked to the cars. “Anyone want to witness a proposal tomorrow?”

Sonny’s sisters cheered.

“Father George said it was okay?” Theresa asked.

“He basically told me he couldn’t tell me it wasn’t okay, and my love is God’s intention. He also asked if he could bring a date to my wedding.”

“Father George,” Bella joked, “That dog.”

Sonny left the church with faith, with God’s love and Rafael’s, with hope that tomorrow he would have a fiancé.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a Catholic gay, I personally feel like our church should be cool. 
> 
> This version of the song I like best is by either Mark Masri or Nat King Cole. I recommend both.


	4. Last Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:   
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Established relationship, fluff, Christmas gifts

Last Christmas was literally a disaster.

Sonny had a girlfriend. The two were getting pretty close, and Sonny was very happy. Too happy, he supposed, because he opened his big mouth on the morning of Christmas Eve and asked her to move in with him.

It went downhill from there. She left him by New Years.

This year, he was determined not to screw it up.

Not with the apple of his eye, his main squeeze, the love his life that he knew would be true upon their lips first touching. How could it not be? How could they not be meant for each other?

Sonny had been dating Rafael for seven months and was trying to find the perfect gift to tell Rafael he was loved with every fiber of Sonny’s being. Without, hopefully, scaring Rafael away.

He would not make any grand pronouncements like last year, which was admittedly insane to spring on her on such a vulnerable morning. Sonny just wanted a simple gift that said he was on Sonny’s mind.

Sonny had many great ideas. A first edition of Rafael’s favorite book, a fancy new tie, a new watch, a new bedding set because Rafael’s was getting worn, a fancy new coffee maker because Rafael was still using the basic pots...

All fantastic ideas, but Sonny did not love any of them. Nothing sounded good enough. Rafael deserved the very best gift.

And then Sonny found them. The very small thing that just screamed Rafael, and Sonny thought it was a good start to a great gift.

They were a pair of socks, and printed on the bottoms, “If you can read this...bring me a glass of scotch.”

It was beyond Rafael, from the message to the fact that Rafael loved ridiculous socks.

It was the best three dollars Sonny ever spent.

Come Christmas morning, when the couple exchanged a few gifts, Sonny was so happy with the new scarf and Mets hoodie that Rafael bought him.

When Rafael opened his socks and read the message printed on them, he laughed. He laughed hard, hysterically, just like Sonny loved hearing from him.

“Dios mio,” Rafael said, out of breath from laughing. “Where did you get these? This is hilarious!”

Sonny laughed, too. “Eh, I just saw ‘em and of course immediately thought of you.”

“You really get me.”

“Of course,” Sonny said, muttering, “‘Cause I love you.”

It was the very first time Sonny said it, even though he’d thought it for months. Even though, every time they’d kissed, every time Rafael had entered a room, Sonny knew it in his heart and felt it.

Sonny held his breath waiting for Rafael to reply. He feared he’d screwed it up, just like last year, just like—

“I love you too,” Rafael easily said, to Sonny’s relief.

Sonny cracked a smile. Rafael mirrored it.

Rafael loved his socks the best out of any of the gifts he received that Christmas, and it was very clear how appreciated they were a month later when a hole began wearing on the bottom. Sonny loved that he wore them anyway, because he was glad Rafael saw them as a silly sign of love, just as he’d intended.

Thanks to the simple socks, this Christmas turned out fantastic.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can not go wrong with Last Christmas by Wham!, but I also like the version by Jimmy Eat World.
> 
> These socks exist, although I’ve never seen the scotch ones. I’ve only seen wine. Just google “if you can read this, bring me a glass of wine socks”. 
> 
> Is it helpful if I put chapter tags in the notes of each chapter?


	5. Please Come Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Established relationship, fluff, a little bit of angst, Mama Carisi, Sonny’s sisters, OMC

  
“You’re not even trying.”

Rafael sighs into the phone again. This is the tenth time they’ve discussed this in the past two days; Rafael just cannot get home for Christmas. He’s stuck in D.C. and has to be in court on the 26th. It just makes more sense to skip Christmas and not have to make it a turnaround trip.

Sonny is not having it.

Rafael argues, “You’re not trying to understand—“

“You’re not trying to be here.”

“Look, I’m not asking you to leave your family. I know how important it is for you to see them on Christmas—“

“You’re my family too, Rafi. Is it so bad to want to see you?”

Rafael is just about mad now. “You’re making it really hard for me to want to try to go.”

“What?” Sonny asks, but not like he didn’t hear Rafael. Just like he can’t believe Rafael said that.

“I’m fucking working, Sonny, it’s not like I’m on vacation—“

“You know what? Forget it. Forget all of it. Maybe I’ll see you on New Years.”

Sonny hangs up. Rafael can’t believe it, that Sonny actually hung up on him, but he doesn’t blame Sonny. What he said was a shitty thing to say; of course he wants to try to see Sonny on Christmas. He agrees that it’s completely unfair that he is stuck in another city, but he has to. He’s trying a very important case.

Rafael doesn’t hear from Sonny for days, and Rafael again doesn’t blame Sonny. He doesn’t even want to talk to himself.

After court on the 24th, Rafael bids goodbye to the members on his staff who live close enough to travel home for the holiday. Then, he finds a little bar that is warm and welcoming. It’s not home, but it’ll do.

There are a few people in the bar, and a lonely man down the bar salutes his way as he sits heavily. Rafael orders a double shot of whiskey, because whiskey is Sonny’s thing, and salutes back.

It doesn’t take long for the man to shift closer to him.

“Are you Jewish, too?” the man asks.

Rafael lets out a chuckle. He forgot that many people aren’t celebrating Christmas, not just his pathetic self.

“No,” Rafael says. “Just not going home for the holiday.”

“Ah,” the man says. “Where’s home?”

Rafael thinks about it, then answers, “Staten Island.”

“You live on Staten Island?”

“No. I live in Manhattan, but I know my boyfriend is with his family in Staten Island, so.”

“Now that’s romantic. Someone to love on Christmas. So why do you look so miserable?”

Rafael manages the stretch the short story over two refills and an empty stomach, which means by the time he’s finished, he’s a mess of misery with missing Sonny.

“I can’t believe I said that to him,” Rafael says. “Like I wouldn’t give anything to see him tomorrow.”

“Go home!” the man cries, way more tipsy than Rafael. “Go to your honey!”

“How?” Rafael asks. “Can’t get a plane ticket on such short notice. Or train. Or—“

“Hang on,” the man says, swaying as he fishes his cell phone of his pocket. In a second, he’s speaking loudly into it. “Hey, you busy?—Wanna drive my friend here to Staten Island?—Yeah, he’s desperate.—Probably desperate enough to pay, yeah—“

Rafael laughs.

“Okay.—Usual place.” With that, he hangs up.

Rafael is still laughing because he’s giddy at the thought of seeing Sonny and also because he is drunk.

“My brother will take you to Staten Island!” the man announces.

“I can’t just...I don’t even know your name!”

“I’m Howie and my brother is Gabe. He loves driving!”

Rafael laughs again, harder. He can’t believe his luck, this strange fortune, that a stranger would be so kind to drive him to Staten Island.

As strange as it is, and even though a part of his brain is telling Rafael not to get in a car with a stranger, he goes. Gabe picks him up from the bar, then they take off.

Rafael likes the stranger. Like his brother, Gabe is a great guy. And true to tale, he just likes to drive.

Rafael sobers up by the time they hit Philadelphia, and he realizes this is crazy.

He’s in a car with a stranger.

Driving to Sonny.

Who he pissed off so much that he hasn’t even heard from in days.

This is insane.

“Hey,” Gabe says, probably noticing Rafael’s worried look. “He’ll be happy. It’s Christmas.”

Rafael smiles. “You’re Jewish.”

Gabe shrugs.

They make it to Staten Island by eleven o’clock at night, but Rafael knows Sonny’s family is still up and waiting for midnight to roll around. At midnight, they open presents. Everyone is probably sitting around playing games in their matching pajamas that Sonny’s mom always buys every member. Rafael got his first pair last year, and he was so honored. This year, he decided to yell at her son and make him feel like crap.

Rafael will make up for it.

They pull up outside the house and Rafael slowly climbs out of the car.

“I’ll be back tomorrow night,” Gabe says.

“Where will you go?” Rafael asks through the open window.

“I have a friend here. Good luck, Rafael.”

“Thanks, Gabe,” Rafael says sincerely before letting Gabe go.

Rafael takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. His heart beats as he hears shuffling behind the door. He doesn’t know if he hopes Sonny answers. Yes, he can’t wait to see the surprise on Sonny’s face, but he also wants at least one family member to see him first. That way, Sonny will not kick Rafael out because of guilt. Rafael needs a witness.

Luckily, Bella answers.

“Oh my god,” she says, smiling. “Holy shit.”

“Is he here?” Rafael asks.

“Duh. Moping in the corner.”

Bella invites Rafael in, then leads him through the house.

“Bella, who was at the door?” Rafael hears Mrs. Carisi call from the kitchen.

“Sonny’s Christmas present,” Bella answers.

“It had better not be a strip—Rafael!”

“Was she about to say ‘stripper’?” Rafael asks as he’s pulled into a big hug.

“Come on, Ma. He hasn’t even seen Sonny yet.”

Bella pulls Rafael out of Mrs. Carisi’s grip, then drags him to the living room.

“Oh, Sonny! Delivery for ya!”

Sonny slowly looks up from his phone. “What is it, Bells—“ His eyes widen when they finally land on Rafael, and Rafael can’t immediately tell if he’s happy or angry. Not until Sonny cries, “Rafi!” and jumps off the couch.

“Hi, Sonny.”

Sonny is in Rafael’s arms immediately. “Oh my god—“

“I’m sorry, Sonny,” Rafael says to him. “I’m sorry for upsetting you and not trying and—“

“No, I’m sorry for causin’ such a stink. I know you’re working. And you’re working! What are you doing here?”

“I needed to wake up with you on Christmas morning.”

Each of Sonny’s sisters cry, “Awe!”

“Shut up,” Sonny mutters to them, then hugs Rafael again.

“Rafi,” he says, “I’m so happy.”

Mrs. Carisi gets his pajamas while he eats a late dinner and tells Sonny about his travels. He tells Sonny about Howie and Gabe and the family insists Rafael invite Gabe over for their Christmas meal.

After the presents are opened at midnight, Sonny drags Rafael up to his childhood bedroom. Sonny adjusts him on the bed so they can whisper love into each other’s lips.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Sonny says.

“Me too,” Rafael answers honestly. “So happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song was made famous by the Eagles, but I like the version by Hanson which is on their recent holiday album.


	6. Mistletoe (Justin Bieber)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Consent to kiss under mistletoe.

“Ugh,” Rafael mutters as they pass someone selling mistletoe on the side of the road.

It’s two weeks ‘til Christmas and Sonny is this close to kicking Rafael out of the car because of his grumble again.

“Let me guess,” Sonny says, “You hate mistletoe.”

“It’s just that—“

“It’s a harmless Christmas tradition like candy canes, gingerbread, snow, lights, Christmas carols, and decorating Christmas trees. Why wouldn’t you hate mistletoe?”

Rafael sighs. “I’ve told you already. Candy cane and gingerbread aren’t foods I ate growing up. Snow is wet and cold and irritating. Lights are annoying, as are Christmas carols. And what’s the point of a tree? And mistletoe often brings unwanted sexual advances or assault. Who wants to just be grabbed and kissed? Nobody.”

“With consent, it can be romantic.”

“A little plant telling me when to kiss someone? No thanks.”

They finally pull up outside Theresa’s house and Sonny shuts off the car without saying anything. About mistletoe.

“You’re a Grinch, you know that?” he says.

“Come on, Sonny, you’re not that young. How about a Scrooge?”

Sonny rolls his eyes again, but this time he lets out a chuckle. The man is a Scrooge, a Grinch, and definitely on the naughty list.

Sonny still enjoys the party, and as far as he can tell, so does Rafael. Sonny couldn’t get Rafael to wear an ugly Christmas sweater as the hostess had suggested, but Rafael does get a kick out of making fun of everyone else’s.

Sonny sips carefully at the sweet eggnog—which is another seasonal item Rafael refuses—and mingles joyfully. Theresa’s fireplace is lit and it’s warming Sonny to his bones. He’s happy.

Once he’s warm and pleased from more than just the fire—but not drunk because he needs to drive home in a few hours—Sonny leans against the doorway and waits for Rafael to make his way to him.

Finally, Rafael notices him, notices he’s alone, and stalks over.

“What are you staring at?” he asks, grinning, and Sonny knows Rafael’s feeling the wine far more than Sonny is feeling the eggnog.

“You,” Sonny answers. “For someone who hates Christmas, you sure enjoy taking advantage of Christmas parties.”

“I do not hate Christmas,” Rafael says. Then amends, “Well, I hate it a lot less now that someone I love loves it so much.”

“Mmm,” Sonny says. “Still don’t make it very easy on me.”

“I can be persuaded to buy a Christmas tree,” Rafael says, stroking a finger over the side of Sonny’s soft sweater.

“Mmm,” Sonny sounds again. “What about mistletoe?”

He glances up at the mistletoe hanging where he’s strategically been standing waiting for Rafael to mosey over.

Rafael looks up too, then smiles and leans closer to Sonny.

“Now counselor,” Sonny says before Rafael can kiss him. “I know you’re not trying to use mistletoe as an excuse to get to kiss me.”

“Because standing under the mistletoe isn’t practically begging me to kiss you.”

“Me? Beg you? All I did was stand here. You joined me and now you’re making a deal about kissin’ me.”

“So you don’t want me to kiss you?”

Sonny shrugs, messing with Rafael.

“Fine,” Rafael says, standing back. “I won’t.”

They’re silent for about two seconds.

Until Rafael starts, “Unless...”

“Unless?”

“Unless you just so happened to stand here and now we are stuck in a standstill because of the mistletoe.”

“Sounds an awful lot like you want to kiss me under this here mistletoe.”

“I’m just making an observation.”

“Oh Rafi,” Sonny sighs. “If you want to kiss me, just ask.”

Rafael leans close to him again. “It wouldn’t be the worst thing...”

Sonny uses his low voice that Rafael loves. “Admit it’s romantic.”

“I could be persuaded.”

Sonny breathes against Rafael’s lips. The least he could do is give Rafael a memorable first time under the mistletoe.

Rafael’s lips touch his first. His lips taste like red wine.

Sonny pulls away first; Rafael is smiling.

“Maybe I could be convinced to get some mistletoe for the house,” he says.

Sonny wraps an arm around Rafael’s shoulders and pulls him close. “You don’t need an excuse to kiss me,” he says, taking his phone out.

Rafael presses a kiss to his cheek. “What are you doing?” he asks.

“Ordering a Christmas tree before you sober up and change your mind.”

Rafael laughs. “Not for you, mi amor.”

“Right. At least next year I know to get you drunk and you’ll put on an ugly Christmas sweater.”

Rafael laughs again. Sonny just smiles and kisses his forehead.

Someone pats Sonny’s back from behind. “Okay,” Theresa says. “You had your kiss. Move aside and let someone else enjoy that mistletoe.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rafael says.

Sonny grabs his arm. “Come on. You need to try the eggnog.”

Sonny is successful in making Rafael try eggnog. Next is candy canes, gingerbread, and making snowmen. But at least the mistletoe was a success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You don’t have to listen to the song if you’re like “EW I HATE JUSTIN BIEBER.” I love Justin Bieber. Sue me. 
> 
> Also, I apologize for being behind. I’ve been sick. I literally slept for 12 hours last night. I’ll try to catch up today. 
> 
> If you have song suggestions or requests, let me know!


	7. White Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Fluff, grumpy Rafael, snow!
> 
> This is directly after Mistletoe

Sonny has to hear Rafael grumble about the cold every morning when they climb out of their warm bed, but at almost halfway through December, he hasn’t had to hear Rafael complain about the snow. It has yet to snow.

It’s disappointing to Sonny. He loves the snow, loves everything about it. He loves snowmen and snow angels and snowball fights. He loves the white blanket it leaves over the city that is bright and calm and beautiful.

Sonny is so eager for it to begin to snow. He wishes for it almost every night, hopes he’ll wake up to the fresh flakes littering the streets.

It has yet to happen.

He drives a slightly still drunken Rafael home on clear but freezing streets, with clouds in the sky teasing a frost that is sure to flake from the sky. Sonny wants the snow, he can feel it.

The temperature gauge in the car drops by the time they enter Manhattan, but they’re cozy in the hot car with seat warmers that Rafael had to have. Sonny thought it was a waste, but who was he to argue? He was only the driver.

Rafael was gently snoozing, Sonny was daydreaming, and that’s when it finally happened. A giant splat on the windshield that caused Sonny to jump out of his thoughts. It was a snowflake, Sonny was sure of it.

At the next red light, he rolled the window down and stuck his head out. Rafael groaned from the seat next to him.

“What are you doing? You’re letting the heat out.”

“It’s snowing, Rafi.”

“What?” Rafael asked, slowly waking.

The streets are as empty as it gets in Manhattan, so Sonny takes his time finding a parking spot and stops the car.

“What?” Rafael groans.

“Come on!” Sonny cries, pulling on Rafael’s arm until he unbuckles his seatbelt.

Sonny jumps out of the car excitedly. The snow begins to fall in a steady rhythm around them, and Rafael shivers as Sonny smiles up at the dark sky.

Sonny wants to practically dance around in it, in his joy, but he catches sight of Rafael pouting again and stalks over to him.

“I’ll keep you warm, Rafi.”

Rafael glares at him over his scarf that is now pulled up over his nose.

Sonny kisses his forehead and wraps his arms around Rafael’s shoulders.

“You’re insane,” Rafael says, muffled through his scarf.

Sonny looks up at the flakes falling from the sky.

“Just gimme one kiss in the first snow and we can go home.”

Rafael’s eyebrows knit together. “No.”

“Please?” Sonny begs.

“You already won the mistletoe battle.”

“Now I want to kiss my love in the snow.”

Rafael huffs. He gives Sonny a quick kiss through the scarf.

Sonny grins, then reaches up and peels the scarf down. He presses a kiss to Rafael’s cold lips, holding his face in his warm hands and letting the snow fall onto them.

“Love you, Rafi,” Sonny whispers.

“Just take me home.”

Sonny smiles, then he lets Rafael go to return to the car.

Sonny takes a deep breath, letting the air it visibly exit his mouth, then he climbs back into the car. Rafael is huddled up leaning close to the front vents that are blowing full blast.

“You’re a baby,” Sonny says, laughing.

“And you’re insane.”

Sonny leans over the center and kisses Rafael’s cheek. The other man winces.

“I love you too,” Sonny says, then happily drives Rafael home in the snow.


	8. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Sebastian!, family fluff

Rafael and Sonny chat to each other in the front seats while Sebastian bops away by himself in his booster seat in the back. He has Sonny’s phone, which isn’t unusual on their short road trips, because he likes to listen to music while his dads talk.

Right now, his obsession is Christmas music, so he has been happily singing along to all the carols that have shuffled through.

But one song causes him to pause and think. He looks at the title and sounds it out:

“I...s-aw, saw...Mom-my...k-i-ss...’i-n-g’ says ‘ing’, kissing...S...oh, Santa Claus. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Hmm.” Sebastian pauses the song. “Hey, Daddy?”

“Yeah, pal?” Sonny asks.

“How come this kid’s singin’ about his mommy kissin’ Santa Claus?”

Sonny snorts. “‘This kid’, he says, talkin’ about Michael Jackson.”

“Shut up,” Rafael tells Sonny while he laughs. “He’s five. What did you know about Michael Jackson when you were five?”

“Uh, everything,” Sonny says.

Rafael fondly rolls his eyes.

“Daddy?” Sebastian asks.

“Uh...” Sonny mutters with a chuckle. Rafael grins, too. “I don’t know, bud.”

Sebastian resumes the song, but he is still curious. In less than ten seconds, he pauses it again.

“Dad?”

“Yes?” Rafael asks this time.

“Where was the mommy kissin’ Santa Claus?”

“Probably wherever Santa was setting up presents.”

“Oh,” Sebastian says, then resumes the song.

It plays for another ten seconds before Sebastian is pausing it again.

“Daddy?”

“What, Sebastian?” Sonny asks.

“Why would the mommy be kissin’ someone not the daddy? Is the daddy Santa? Is the mommy Mrs. Claus? Does Santa have kids?”

Sonny and Rafael laugh.

Sonny answers, “Baby, it’s just a song.”

“So no one’s mommy was actually kissin’ Santa Claus?”

“Probably not,” Rafael replies.

“Are you sure?” Sebastian asks sounding very concerned.

“We’re sure.”

“Ok then,” Sebastian says unconvinced. He still presses play on the phone again.

“I’ll kiss Santa Claus,” Sonny mumbles, smiling at Rafael.

Sebastian pauses the music again. “What, Daddy?”

“Nothing,” Sonny quickly says while Rafael laughs in the passenger seat.

Sebastian still doesn’t really understand the song, but he kicks his feet and nods his head to the beat anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I don’t get the song either.


	9. Santa Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: T?  
> Additional tags: Bad Christmas innuendos!, bad flirting, so bad, established relationship

“You want to sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas?” Sonny’s eyebrows wiggle crudely. “I’ll still get ya a little somethin’ if you’ve been naughty.”

Rafael laughs at just how bad Sonny’s flirting is. He’s had one too many beers in the bar that is dimly lit with festive Christmas lights.

Sonny pats his knee as if to invite Rafael.

“It’s not a candy cane in my pocket, Rafi, I’m happy to see you.”

Rafael snorts out a laugh. At least Sonny is talking low enough that nobody can hear him.

“You wanna ring my jingle bells?”

Rafael fully laughs now. “Sonny, stop.”

Sonny just grins and leans closer. “I don’t actually know what you want for Christmas. Come over and tell ol’ Santa what you want.”

“I’m not sitting on your lap.”

Sonny’s grin doesn’t fall. Rafael wonders if it’s due to their close proximity or his alcohol content. Rafael doesn’t really care; Sonny is warm and sweet and hell, even if his flirting is so bad, he’s flirting.

“Santa’s sack could be full for you,” Sonny says. “If only you tell me what you want.”

Rafael rolls his eyes. “I don’t want anything.”

“Mmm,” Sonny takes hold of Rafael’s hand. “A diamond ring?”

“I don’t need a ring.”

“A convertible?”

“For what?”

“A yacht?”

“Not as great as they seem.”

“A platinum mine?”

“Oh Santa baby,” Rafael jokes, “Could you?”

Sonny leans in impossibly closer. His lips almost brush Rafael’s. Rafael can feel his breath against his lips. One of Sonny’s hands is on his back, the other trails slowly up his thigh.

“I’ll hurry down your chimney tonight,” Sonny whispers.

“I’d rather you took your time.”

“Wanna get outta here?”

Rafael ghosts a chuckle over Sonny’s mouth. “All of your flirting getting you excited?”

“I just know where I’d rather you be,” Sonny says, “Under my tree.”

Rafael gives Sonny a slow kiss that is as innocent as he can get it, then he pulls away to down the rest of his drink.

“Hey wait,” Sonny says, buttoning his coat against the cold evening wind. “I got another one.”

“Dios mio, what?”

“Wanna visit my South Pole tonight?”

Rafael laughs. “Come on!” he cries, dragging Sonny down the street towards home.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I love this song by Eartha Kitt, but I also love the Glee version and Michael Buble’s. Michael Buble’s is like the manly version, I guess. It’s still cute.


	10. Wonderful Christmastime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Fluff, no dialogue, very short, established relationship

Rafael doesn’t do Christmas, just as a general rule. He’s never done Christmas. As a kid, Christmas wasn’t anything more than an excuse to get school off. Into adulthood when his Mami would leave the state during winter break, Christmas wasn’t anything but lonely and quiet.

This year is different.

Rafael has been dating one Sonny Carisi for three months.

Rafael finally understands what Christmas is supposed to feel like.

He feels the joy, the love, the happiness that this holiday brings. For Sonny is warm in the snow. He is a bright star in the darkness. He is the scent of gingerbread and peppermint that fills Rafael’s senses. He is the sacred, Holy Night. He is Rafael’s miracle.

Sonny is Rafael’s home and Rafael’s family that he didn’t know he had longed for his entire life.

It’s been three months, but Rafael feels it. In the past, with any other partner, Rafael would have been apprehensive to add “first” when describing their Christmas together, because that implies the possibility of more, and Rafael was never sure.

Rafael can’t stop referring to this as their first Christmas, because there will be more, absolutely.

Hopefully.

Because after this Christmas, this wonderful Christmas, Rafael can’t imagine spending another holiday alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to catch up.
> 
> THIS IS MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONG. This is how the song makes me feel, except for me it’s wishing I had someone to share it with. This song may just be an energetic song, but it really does make me feel love. I don’t know why. 
> 
> Of course the best version is by Paul McCartney, it’s the original. But I also love the version by The Shins.


	11. Sending You a Little Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Developing relationship? I guess, pining, gifts

Sonny hates seeing people alone on holidays. Sure, there are some people that deserve all the misfortune coming their way, but even on holidays, Sonny finds it in his heart to forgive and forget. He learned this when he was young, when he had to give a Valentine to the class bully because it was fair that every kid got one. The bully had beamed in surprise when Sonny presented the little card, and ever since then, Sonny has vowed to never let anyone alone on holidays.

Especially the people he loves.

Even though he’d never admit it out loud. Even in his own head sometimes, he won’t admit it.

Love.

How could you love someone who doesn’t give you the time of day? How could you love someone you’ve spent very minimal time with outside of work? How could you love someone you hardly know other than his expensive taste in fashion and his mood towards defense attorneys?

Nonetheless, Sonny is in love and has been for a long time.

It’s been about a year since he’s known Rafael, his first Christmas knowing him this closely, because last they were barely on a first name basis. Last year, Sonny had that dreadful mustache and he’s pretty sure Rafael spent all their time together trying not to look at him.

Starting in November, Sonny begins to get festive. He got a little Santa statue for his desk, he bought miniature stockings for the squad that he planned to fill with candy and hand out later in December when everyone needed a pick me up, and he wore holiday socks under his slacks. Sonny was in the spirit.

He is quick to learn that Barba hates Christmas.

Of course, the man is grumpy on any regular ol’ day. The sun could be shining, birds singing, and you could tell him he’s just won a million dollars and he’d still find something to bitch about.

Sonny loves him anyway.

Barba had strolled into the precinct, took one look at Sonny’s elf socks peaking out underneath his pants, and scoffed.

“I don’t even have to make fun of your fashion choice today, they make fun of themselves.”

Sonny lifted his pant legs. “What, you don’t like ‘em?”

“Uh, that’d be a no.”

“Come on, Counselor, not in the holiday spirit?”

“Absolutely not,” was all Barba had said before leaving Sonny to ponder.

Sonny ponders for long. He decides, of course, that Barba deserves a gesture that isn’t so grand it’s overwhelming, but a gesture just kind enough to make Barba feel appreciated.

Sonny decides to get Barba a gift, even if Barba won’t really care about it. But not just any gift, Sonny decides; he decides to get Sonny a gift for Barba showing that not only is he appreciated, but he’s also paid attention to. And Sonny does pay attention.

Sonny compiles a gift box of a scotch he was recommended, some fancy chocolates, thick, fuzzy gloves, a book that Sonny recommends to everyone he knows, and a candle that smells sweet like snickerdoodles, because he’s heard that Barba likes snickerdoodles.

Sonny finds a cute box to put everything in, packs it nicely, tops it with a giant red bow, and sets off to Barba’s office first thing in the morning.

He arrives before Carmen is even there, so he knocks on Barba’s office door unannounced.

“Come in,” Barba calls, sounding confused.

Sonny peeks his head in. “Mornin’, counselor.”

“Carisi? Come in, please.” Barba sounds tired but far sweeter than usual. Sonny’s heart beats funny.

Sonny notices Barba eye the box.

“Hey, so, I, uh...I got ya somethin’.”

“What for?” Barba asks.

“For Christmas, hello?” Sonny smiles.

Barba just stares. “For me?”

“I said that, didn’t I? Listen, I know you’re not a Christmas guy, but I’m a giver. This was fun to put together.”

He sets it delicately on Barba’s desk. Barba still eyes it like it’s a ticking time bomb.

After a beat, Sonny decides it’s time to go. “I’ll just, uh—“ He motions at the door.

“You don’t want me to open it with you here?”

“I mean—“

Barba reaches for the lid. Sonny really does want to see Barba’s reaction to the gifts.

Barba slowly pulls the lid off and peers inside. His breath barely catches in surprise as he takes in not just one, but many gifts.

“Carisi, I—“

Sonny is glad he caught Barba at such a time like this, before the morning rush, before his day, before fights and arguments. Barba is soft and gentle as he takes everything out of the box, one by one with patient fingers, with a look of shock in his eyes that Sonny never wants to forget.

“I heard that scotch is good, I hope you like it. And your hands are always freezing, so there’s some gloves. And that book is, like, my all-time favorite. And who doesn’t love chocolate?”

Barba picks up the candle.

Sonny explains, “Carmen says you have a secret love affair with snickerdoodles.”

Barba cracks a smile. “Carisi, I have no idea what to say. Why?”

“Why? It’s Christmas—“

“I know, you reminded me already. But...why? Why’d you do this for me?”

“‘Cause...” Sonny says with a shrug. “I just wanted to tell you, y’know, you’re...I...”

Barba stares at him, eyes expectant and waiting.

“You’re appreciated,” Sonny says.

“By you.”

“By me.”

Barba looks down at the scotch and smiles. “Hey, Carisi?” he asks. “Would you like to find out if this scotch is any good? Maybe...tonight? Consider it a Christmas drink?”

Sonny’s stomach flips. “Uh, for sure,” he says, trying not to sound too eager. “Here?”

“My place. I’ll text you.”

Sonny’s smiles grows. “See you later then, counselor.”

Sonny slowly steps towards the door.

“Sonny?” Barba calls before he reaches the door.

Sonny melts. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Barba genuinely says, still smiling sweetly and Sonny never, ever wants to forget it.

“You’re welcome, counselor,” he says, then he leaves the office on cloud nine.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is by Jim Brickman, who is a famous pianist and you should totally listen to.


	12. Mele Kalikimaka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Travel, written quickly

“Come on, Sonny!” Rafael yells from the bedroom. He zips the last of his luggage as Sonny stumbles out of the closet. Rafael checks his watch; they have four minutes until they need to be downstairs for the car.

“Okay, should I take these, too?” Sonny is wearing a really tight pair of swim trunks with Santa Claus on the crotch.

Rafael is phased for half a second.

“I mean this with love,” Rafael says, “I don’t care. Let’s go.”

“Come on, Rafi, are they sexy?”

Rafael checks his watch; three minutes, and losing time fast.

“Do you want me to leave you here?”

“Ah, don’t be that way, baby,” Sonny sidles up to Rafael and wraps his arms around Rafael’s neck.

Rafael is unaffected by both their close proximity and Sonny’s bare chest.

“I am supposed to be on my way to JFK to get on a plane to Hawaii—“

“Actually, we’re getting on a plane to Los Angeles and that plane will take us to—“

“Ah, ah,” Rafael stops him. He pushes on Sonny’s chest until he lets go, then stalks into their closet. Sonny follows. Rafael continues, “I should be on my way to Hawaii, and I would be except that you are clearly not completely packed and you still have to get dressed. Now, all I want is a nice, relaxing week away from snow and clouds and rain—“

“You know it rains like ten times a day in—“

“I will be at the beach, Sonny, with warm sand and water. Now, put some clothes on and let’s go.” Rafael tosses Sonny’s clothes at him.

“Bossy,” Sonny ticks, snatching the clothes before they could hit him in the head.

Rafael walks out of the closet. “Two minutes!”

Two minutes later, Rafael is dragging Sonny out the door while Sonny is slipping on his shoes and grabbing his carryon backpack.

“Rafi—“

“I’ll leave without you.”

Sonny chuckles, stuffing his phone in his pocket. “Okay, lets go!”

—-

Sonny takes another sip of his eggnog and stretches in the low sun. He lays back against Rafael’s chest, spread and waiting for him because his hands are relaxed behind his head. Sonny takes a moment to kiss Rafael’s chest.

“What do you think?” Sonny asks.

Rafael sighs contently. “I think I’m staying here and never returning to New York. You can visit me anytime.”

“Ah man,” Sonny replies, “Tickets out here are kinda pricey. Meet halfway?”

“I guess I could make it to California once or twice. To see you, of course.”

“Mmm,” Sonny agrees, smiling against Rafael’s chest.

The sun is barely rising, and all they can hear is the tide crashing against the beach just yards away. The palm trees surrounding are still illuminated with Christmas lights strung beautifully around the trunk of the tree. Christmas music plays gently in the background from somewhere; Rafael thinks Sonny may have started his music as he was pouring his eggnog. It’s been three days of sunshine, the ocean, wonderful feasts, and Christmas everywhere. And they still have four days left.

Rafael could get used to this. Paradise with the man he loves in his arms. He kisses Sonny’s forehead.

“I love you,” Rafael whispers into Sonny’s hair.

“I love you too,” Sonny happily replies.

Sonny lifts his head to rest his chin on Rafael’s chest and smile up at his face. “Want me to put my Santa trunks on later and we can take a swim?”

Rafael imagines Sonny in the ridiculous tiny shorts and laughs. “I’d love to,” he says, shutting his eyes.

Everything is perfect, and he is so in love with this land and this man.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this song by Bette Midler which is kind of generic but it’s cute. Bing Crosby also sang it. But the version I have on most of my Christmas playlists is by the Hawaiian Waikiki Beach Entertainers.


	13. Cold December Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:   
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: CONTINUATION OF CHAPTER 11. I will be putting them in a stand-alone fic with the conclusion.

The pretty gift box sits on Rafael’s desk all day as a reminder of what happened and what’s to come.

Rafael replays it in his head a million and a half times to make sure he didn’t miss anything.

Sonny brought him a present.

He invited Sonny to his home to help drink part of the present.

Sonny said yes.

He is seeing Sonny later. Outside of work. At his home.

Hastily, before he completely forgets, Rafael digs his phone out of his pocket and sends Sonny is address. Sonny doesn’t reply, and that’s fine, Rafael isn’t worried.

Rafael goes through court in an excited haze, even though his hearing is so hectic. A wishy-washy witness is nothing he’s never dealt with, so that he can handle, but the case itself is just difficult and tiring. At the end of the day, he is tired, and only the thoughts of Sonny keeps him energized.

Rafael makes it back to his office on time for Carmen to be leaving before sundown.

“Good evening, Mr. Barba,” she says as he does every night.

“Good evening, Carmen,” he says, not looking up but instead gathering his things.

“Don’t forget to get Detective Carisi a gift.”

Rafael finally looks up. She is grinning. Rafael eyes her suspiciously, because he can’t remember telling her where the gift came from. Or mentioning that he needs to get one in return.

“How did you—“

“Goodnight, Raf,” she says, smiling one last time and leaving the room.

The thought of getting Sonny a gift didn’t even occur to Rafael until now. He was just so caught up by his gift that he didn’t realize. What could he get on such short notice? What would be thoughtful enough to tell Sonny he cares about him, too? What kind of gift tells a man he wants to hold him and kiss him and that all the things he never thought he wanted, he suddenly wants after knowing the man for a year and—

In a panic, Rafael leaves his office with the gift in hand.

Rafael decides he needs to make Sonny dinner. After all, the way to a man’s heart is through his belly, and if he invited Sonny for drinks, he might as well have some food, too.

The problem is that Rafael can only make one dish, so that’s what he has to make. There’s no option or variety. He stops at the grocery and purchases the ingredients he’s had engraved in his head since he was a kid. If he also picks up a bottle of wine in hopes of the romantic ambiance it sets, well who’s to tell?

Rafael can’t pick a gift, not something personal that he can pick up before Sonny arrives, so he decides dinner will have to be it. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll tell Sonny how he feels. That could be his gift.

What better gift to give Sonny than himself? His heart? His soul? Hell, his body if Sonny is up to it. Honestly, he hopes Sonny is up to it, but Rafael focuses on the whole emotional part of the evening before he even allows himself to think about the physical.

Riding home with the snow slowly starting up again, his ingredients in hand, the gift on his lap, Rafael thinks about the possibility of what he has compared to what he’s never had. He’s never really done anything special for Christmas, and he gave up the hope of receiving what his heart desired long ago. He’s never needed anything, anybody, and he’s never wanted it either.

But now? Hearing he’s appreciated by the only man who’s had his heart since the moment they met? He wants nothing more than to have Sonny by a fire, wrapped in a blanket, snuggled up drinking hot cocoa. He imagines for the first time sharing Christmas with someone. He imagines for the first time waking up next to someone he loves on Christmas morning.

Rafael looks down at the gift on his lap. And sure, this gift is great, wonderful, it’s gotten the ball rolling, this little box has, but what he truly wants can’t be bought, can’t be put under a tree.

He wants to love Sonny. He wants Sonny to fall in love with him.

The thought warms his entire body. When he gets out of the car and his breath is seen in the air, he still feels hot with hope and love.

On this freezing evening in December, making the first meal he’ll share with Sonny, Rafael finally doesn’t feel so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is by Michael Buble and it is so sweet. It’s my favorite.


	14. Someday at Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: angst? I guess

Christmastime is the hardest for Sonny in this line of work. A sophomore officer out of the academy for two years, he learned last year that Christmas is when you see some tough shit. You see broken families not pulling it together for the holiday, you see families without food or heat when everyone deserves to be happy and comfortable.

Last year, his first Christmas on the job, really fucked him up. He had a call to a house where the parents had been gone for days and the kids were left alone. They’d ran out of food and had no heat, their clothes were a mess, and Sonny’s heart absolutely broke.

Sonny prays every single day for the people he meets on his tours. He prays for the kids, the parents, that people find their way and find their peace.

But during Christmas, it’s more than prayer that gets him through the day; it’s hope.

Hope that one day the world won’t be this way. Hope that people won’t have to be in terrible situations. Hope that kids can grow up being kids with the innocence they deserve. Hope that they’ll be protected and loved and that their lives can be joyous.

He hopes that someday Christmas will be for love and faith again. He hopes for peace and happiness.

Sonny often fears his hopes of peace are naive, that there’s no way the world could be silenced of the horrors of every day life. But that doesn’t stop him from trying, from praying, from helping where he can whether it’s helping a family on a call or volunteering when he can. It doesn’t allow him to give up.

Someday, Sonny hopes and prays, that someday everything can be right in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is of course by the great Stevie Wonder! A few years ago (maybe it was last year?) a version came out with Stevie Wonder and Andra Day. I highly recommend.


	15. Baby, It’s Cold Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:  
> Rating: G? T? I think G but there are hints of more  
> Additional tags: established relationship with pining, if you ask me.

Sonny really needs to leave. It’s the morning of Christmas Eve, he’s got to be at his mom’s by noon, but strong, warm arms are enveloping him too tightly to want to leave. As if on cue, Rafael squeezes him tighter.

“I can’t stay another day,” Sonny whispers. “It’s been...more than fun, but—“

‘Fun’ is truly an understatement. Rafael took some days off, Sonny took some days off—everyone only questioned the coincidence for about ten minutes—and they’ve been cooped up in Rafael’s apartment since, only leaving for food.

“I’ve enjoyed myself too,” Rafael agrees. “In fact, I could show you just how much—“

Sonny grins. “I gotta go home, I gotta go to my ma’s—“ Sonny slides his foot against Rafael’s. It had been sticking out of the blankets so it’s cold.

Rafael ticks. “You’re too cold, I can’t let you go out there.”

“My dad needs me to help with Santa stuff, Rafi, come on—“

“You have time,” Rafael reminds him. “At least have breakfast with me.”

Sonny rolls his eyes. “Maybe I could have one cup of coffee.”

With a cute grin, Rafael pushes the blankets off and rolls out of bed. Sonny slips a pair of socks on and follows.

Rafael is quick to the coffee maker, opting to use the full pot instead of the instant one-cup maker because Sonny knows he’s trying to buy time.

“Aren’t you going to put any music on?”

It had become a morning routine; Sonny, who is constantly jolly, would ask Alexa to put Christmas music on almost immediately after they woke. Rafael grumbled for about thirty seconds before Sonny began to dance with him and acted silly sweet, so Rafael accepted it.

“Alexa,” Sonny asks, “Can you put on my Christmas playlist?”

“Playing Sonny’s Christmas Playlist,” was heard through the living room before Christmas music began.

“That thing likes you more than me,” Rafael says.

“I’m nicer. You yell at her.”

Rafael chuckles.

“Listen,” Sonny says when Rafael begins to offer breakfast. “Everyone’s already probably at my parent’s house, everyones probably wonderin’ where I am—“

“You know it’s going to be really hard getting to Staten Island right now anyway, you might as well stay.”

“What? It’s 9 A.M.”

“Yeah, but it’s snowing, so—“

Sonny rolls his eyes again. “Like it never snows. And where’s my coffee?”

Rafael acts like he just remembered it’s ready, so he goes to the pot and pours two mugs.

“And look there’s enough for another each,” he says smoothly.

“I said one,” Sonny replies, sipping the delicious liquid.

They drink in silence, still standing in the kitchen. Sonny’s shirtless with a pair of flannel pajama pants on, and soon Rafael is leaning in close to him and his breath is ghosted across the front side of Sonny’s shoulder.

“What’re you doing, Rafi?” Sonny asks softly.

“You just look so amazing.”

“I have bedhead.”

Rafael glances up. “You have sex hair and it’s delicious.”

“Delicious, huh?” Sonny mocks. “This coffee is delicious.” He brings the mug to his lips again.

Rafael shifts closer. He places a hand on Sonny’s bare side.

“Look, you’ve been so great lettin’ me hang out for a few days—“

“Trust me, it was my pleasure,” Rafael jokes, lips tracing from Sonny’s shoulder to Sonny’s neck.

Sonny shivers.

“My sisters will be expecting me,” Sonny says as Rafael’s lips travel up his jaw.

“Your lips look amazing, you know that?”

“You’re not even listening to me.”

“There’s still another cup of coffee to drink,” Rafael says against Sonny’s chin.

Sonny looks down at his pink lips, their bodies pressed together, Rafael’s hands on his sides. He really actually doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he should, he knows he needs to. He needs to help his dad with last minute things, his mom with cooking, then he has to go to church, then they have family dinner, then...

Sonny should leave. He should. And he would if Rafael’s hands weren’t so convincing against his skin.

“Fine,” Sonny says, “One more cup.”

Rafael gives him a quick peck with a smirk then pulls away to pour new cups.

“After this, I gotta go, though.”

“We’ll see,” Rafael says.

Sonny snorts. “What’d’ya mean ‘we’ll see’? What’d you put in my coffee?”

Rafael chuckles. “I just mean you’re bound to want to take a shower, and I know I need a shower, and it makes more sense to just take one together, and I won’t be held accountable for what happens in the shower, because god knows you can’t keep your hands off me and—“

“Oh, me? I can’t keep my hands off you? Sure. Who’s the one trying to leave?”

Rafael looks at him with deep, puppy-dog eyes. “Baby, it’s too cold out there.”

Sonny melts at the name. Still, he knows he needs to leave. “Let me borrow your big coat.”

“It won’t save you from the snow.”

“I can handle snow.”

“What if you get stuck in the snow and freeze to death, huh? Then it’d be my fault, as the sole person to watch you go out in it. I can’t have that on my head, Sonny, I won’t.”

Sonny glares at him without any heat. He knows Rafael is exaggerating for dramatic effect. He won’t die in the snow.

“If I’m late, what am I gonna say to all the questions about where I was, huh?”

“Just stay here. Don’t go and there won’t be any questions about anything.”

“Uh huh, sure. They’re gonna think I was with someone.”

“And if they do?”

Sonny looks at Rafael, who has diverted his gaze while sipping from his mug. They haven’t talked about telling anyone, they’ve both quietly agreed it’s better to keep their relationship quiet. This is the first Rafael’s hinted at anyone knowing about them.

“Well,” Sonny says, “I’ll just have to say he’s a tyrant who wouldn’t let me leave.”

“The door is there, Sonny. I just know deep down you want to stay.”

Sonny sighs. He really does feel badly about leaving Rafael. Not only does he terribly want to stay, because if it was up to him they’d never leave this apartment again, but because Rafael will be alone on Christmas.

He sets his mug down steps up close to Rafael. He wraps his arms around Rafael’s neck and pulls him in.

“I do want to stay. I would love to. Knowing that you even want me to, that you’ve welcomed me into your home for this long already just makes me so happy, you know that. But I do need to go, just today. After today, every day off we have, I’m all yours.”

“Geez, Sonny, give a man some space.”

Sonny knows he’s joking to ease the tension of something so heartfelt, so Sonny gives a usual eye roll and lets Rafael go. But, before he can step away, Rafael’s hands are stopping him at his sides again.

“I’ll just miss you,” Rafael mutters so low that Sonny almost doesn’t hear it.

Sonny takes Rafael in a hug again. “I know.”

Rafael kisses his neck. “I’ve never...this, I...”

Sonny’s eyes close so all he can focus on is Rafael’s warm arms around him. His own warmth spreads through his body as he knows what Rafael is trying to say. He’s never felt this way, either. He’s never longed for someone so much, missed them when they left, or begged them to stay. He gets it, and he also gets why it’s so hard for Rafael to say it.

“I know,” Sonny says. “Me too.”

Rafael kisses his neck again. “Just come back to me.”

“I will.”

Sonny slowly kisses Rafael. His hands shift to hold Rafael’s face, and Sonny loves that because Rafael, for once, is completely at Sonny’s mercy.

Sonny remembers the shower idea and decides to quickly put it into action before someone from his parents’ house calls. He drags Rafael through the apartment.

Sure enough, someone does call, but Sonny is too distracted by Rafael to care. He’ll get to Staten Island when he gets there. For now it’s just him, Rafael, and the warm apartment begging him to stay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course I had to do Baby Its Cold Outside. My favorite versions are: 1) Idina Mendel and Michael Buble (yes I am a huge Buble fan), and 2) the Glee version featuring Darren Criss’s Blaine and Chris Colfer’s Kurt. I know a lot of people don’t like this song but I have my own opinion of it and it’s more like the one I’ve written. Hope you enjoy!


	16. We Need a Little Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating:  
> Chapter: G  
> Additional tags: Sonny is 6, Rafael is in college

Rafael knew he shouldn’t have listened to a friend’s recommendation of a seasonal job. He was off for the winter, home from Harvard, and someone said, “Hey, be an elf at Macy’s! They’re always hiring for December!”

Well, Rafael had stupidly listened, and about two hours into his first shift he learned why only stupid college kids end up being elves Macy’s: it’s atrocious. Between awful parents and worse kids, the Macy’s Santa department is a hell hole to be in.

It doesn’t help that Rafael is never in the Christmas spirit anyway. There are some people on his shift who are way too dang cheery, people who Rafael isn’t entirely convinced aren’t real elves. But then there’s him, who gets told 500 times a day to perk up. He just forces a smile and continues on.

Rafael truly thought he’d kill someone after his first day. By the end of the first week, he’d gone mad. By the end of the third week, he’d lost his faith in Christmas entirely. So by December 23rd, he’s done.

Apparently, tons of families across Manhattan are not done; the 23rd has been estimated to be their busiest day. People last minute shopping, last minute desires to make their kids happy, and last minute desires for the elves to want to die in a Macy’s department store.

By 10 A.M., Rafael is fed up, and he thinks he might actually kill the next people to tell him to smile.

Rafael busies himself with pushing giant stuffed bears into the crate they’re sold from. He avoids eye contact with everyone and certainly doesn’t initiate conversation, so when he notices someone staring at him, he is confused.

Rafael looks down at the source: giant blue eyes peaking out under tufts of bright blonde hair under a red beanie.

“Can I help you?” Rafael asks tentatively.

“Are you mad at the bears?”

“What?”

“Are you mad at the bears?” the boy repeats.

“Why would I be mad at the bears?”

“You’re pushin’ ‘em like you’re mad at ‘em.”

“Uh, no,” Rafael says. “I’m not mad at the bears.”

“Oh,” the boy says. “I’m Sonny, I’m six, and my ma wanted me to wear these jammies so I could take pictures with Santa. I said I look silly wearin’ jammies but she didn’t listen. Do I look silly wearin’ jammies?”

“Uh...no. Not silly.”

“Would you wear jammies outside your house?”

“Uh, no, probably not.”

“How come you keep sayin’ ‘uh’?”

“Because I...don’t really know what to say to you.”

“How come?”

“Because I don’t really know what to say to kids. Like, ever.”

“How come you’re an elf, then? You’re not a very good elf.”

“I know that,” Rafael says, beginning to put the bears on their display again. He steps away from the little boy and goes to fill another crate.

“So how come?” he hears a minute later. Rafael didn’t even realize the boy followed him.

Rafael looks around for a woman who could be the boy’s mother but spots no one immediately. He asks, “What?”

“How come you’re an elf?”

“I just needed a job.”

“So Santa hired you?”

Rafael comes to the quick realization that this kid thinks he’s an actual elf. Even he isn’t grouchy enough to ruin the illusion of Santa the day before Christmas Eve for a kid he doesn’t even know.

“Yeah,” he says. “Santa hired me.”

“How come he hired you if you get mad at bears?”

“I wasn’t mad at the bears.”

Rafael finishes with the bears in question, so he moves to return the basket he had and find another task. He settles on straightening different toys on the shelves.

“I thought elves were supposed to be jolly?” the boy asks.

“Elves can have off days,” Rafael tells him while thinking that some can have off months or even years.

“I think you need a little Christmas spirit.”

Rafael snorts. “What?”

“Yeah, my daddy says sometimes people are grouchy on Christmas ‘cause they don’t have any Christmas spirit. Or ‘cause they’re on the naughty list. But can Santa put an elf on the naughty list?”

“I don’t know,” Rafael says.

“You know what puts me in the Christmas spirit?”

“I have a feeling you’re about to tell me—“

“Christmas trees, and stockings, and Christmas songs, and snow, and lights, and that shiny stuff they put on trees—“

“Tinsel?”

“Yeah, that!”

“So basically, everything about Christmas puts you in the Christmas spirit.”

“Yeah, duh! That’s the point!”

Rafael accepts that. The kid has a point.

“What’s your name?” the boy finally asks.

“Uh, Rafael.”

“Rafael? Like a Ninja Turtle?”

Rafael sighs. It’s been years since someone’s asked that, and mostly they were kids in grade school looking to tease him for anything.

“Yeah,” he says anyway, “Like a Ninja Turtle.”

The boy smiles.

“Say, where’s your mom?”

The boy looks around. “Gee, I don’t know. She was over there but now she’s gone.”

Rafael looks around again. “Come on, I’ll help you find her.”

Sonny surprisingly follows, and a second later he slips his little hand into Rafael’s while they weave through the crowds of people. Rafael, for some reason, holds on, too.

“Sonny!” a woman cries a few minutes into their search. She’s talking to Rafael’s boss.

“Hi, Mommy.”

“Why did you leave me, baby? Oh, I was worried!”

“I saw Rafael and wanted to talk to him.”

His mom looks confused. “Rafa—“

“That’s me,” Rafael says.

“Oh,” she says, taking Sonny’s hand from his.

“He looked sad, Mama. He just needs some Christmas spirit!”

“I agree,” Rafael’s boss says.

Rafael glares at him.

“Well,” Sonny’s mom says, “I hope he didn’t bother you too much. Come on, Sonny, we need to get our place in line.”

She drags the boy away, and he looks back at Rafael and gives a little wave.

A while later, Rafael is busying himself by restocking some toys on the shelf when there’s a tug at the hem of his uniform. Confused, Rafael looks down to see Sonny’s shining eyes watching him again.

“Oh, hi,” Rafael says.

“I saw Santa. I asked for a new bike and I hope I get one ‘cause Tommy down the street is getting one and I wanna be faster than him. And that’s not even the real Santa, by the way. There’s Santa’s everywhere, he probably just sends fake Santa’s in his place, huh? That’s true, huh?”

Rafael just shrugs.

“Anyway, I got this,” Sonny holds up a candy cane. “It’s for you.”

“For me?”

“Merry Christmas, Ninja Turtle Elf Rafael.”

Rafael takes the offered candy cane. “Thank you, Sonny.”

“Sonny!” they hear again, this time rapidly approaching. “Sonny, you’ve got to stop running away from me. I’m so sorry,” she says to Rafael.

“It’s no problem,” Rafael finds himself saying.

“Come on, Sonny,” his mom says.

She drags Sonny away as the little boy waves.

After that, Rafael doesn’t feel so glum. He doesn’t really mind the people; he just thinks about the heartfelt gift in his pocket and smiles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, like, one of the next stories is going to be backwards where Rafael is happy about Christmas and Sonny is grumpy. Because I never give poor Rafael any joy.
> 
> I like this song by the Glee cast. I really like Glee, ok!


	17. I’ve Got My Love To Keep Me Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter:   
> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Fluff!

The sun is slowly lowering to the west, but Sonny is rushing to the east side. The snow is starting up again, icicles that hadn’t completely melted during the day are still dripping, Sonny has to sidestep puddles and avoid the wind, but he doesn’t even care. He has one goal in mind: home to Rafael.

To Rafael’s home, which isn’t his home, not really, not yet. He spends most of his time there, yes, he hasn’t been to his own apartment in days, maybe a week, but Rafael’s isn’t yet his home.

No matter, Rafael had texted him earlier that day saying, “Hurry home.” And that was enough for Sonny. That was enough for Sonny to rush out of the precinct and rush home.

Because it is home, really, that’s where Rafael is. Home is where you’re comfortable, where you’re warm, content, and for Sonny, that’s everywhere Rafael is.

The snow falling around him isn’t bothersome with the thought of Rafael on his mind. Soon he’ll be home where it’s warm, where Rafael is making a warm dinner, where Rafael is wearing a warm sweater, and Sonny can happily shed his coat and gloves without fear of remaining cold.

Even when they’re not home, Rafael keeps him warm. Both by their average closeness when out and by the general warmth he feels anytime he’s near Rafael, Rafael has a way of keeping him warm.

Sonny thinks it’s because his heart beats harder now. Maybe that’s getting his blood flowing, causing his constant warmth. And that’s all thanks to Rafael, who he loves so much.

Sonny finally gets to Rafael’s building and uses his key to open the main door. The security doorman Johnny in the lobby greets him like he usually does.

“Hey, Detective Carisi, how’s the office today?”

“Same ‘ol, Johnny. Hey, what’s up with your Giants, man? Damn shame to New York.”

Johnny laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Goodnight, Detective.”

“Night, Johnny!”

Finally, the elevator arrives and Sonny eagerly steps in. He just saw Rafael a few hours ago, but he’s excited. He’s always excited to see Rafael, even when the circumstances of seeing him during the day is awful. Rafael always offers a comforting pat on the shoulder that Sonny appreciates.

Sonny finally gets up to Rafael’s apartment, to their home, and he uses his key to open that door, too.

“Honey, I’m home!” Sonny calls, chuckling to himself.

As expected, the apartment is so warm that Sonny easily sheds his coat and scarf. He stuffs his gloves into the coat pockets and goes further into the apartment in search of Rafael.

“Babe?” he calls.

He finally finds Rafael in the kitchen, where he, as Sonny expected, is making a soup for dinner.

“Aw, honey,” Sonny sighs, almost mocking.

“I knew you’d be cold,” Rafael says.

“Not with you, my love. You keep me warm.”

Rafael smiles. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Sonny kisses his head. “I’m glad, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is by a lot of people. I like it by Dean Martin but also Ingrid Michaelson. That one is really good.


	18. Feliz Navidad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: pre-relationship, pining, fluff, language barrier?

“Ful-ees Nav-e-dad, Barba,” Carisi says with a giant goofy grin on his face. The grin Rafael likes best, because Carisi is unapologetically happy.

It’s really not that bad, his attempt at poor Spanish, but of course Rafael can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’s made Rafael really feel anything. In fact, he kind of appreciates the try, because rarely do people tell him Feliz Navidad. He’s usually just stuck hearing Merry Christmas a million times, or the more common ‘happy holidays’ for everyone who really likes to make a fuss.

So, Rafael rolls his eyes, screwing with Carisi. “Could you at least attempt to not sound so white?”

Carisi laughs, and oh it’s music. “I thought you’d like my attempt.”

“Your attempt was dismal and now I’m offended. On Christmas. So thank you.”

“Ah, come on, Barba. Just trying to share somethin’ with you, I guess.”

“Mmm, and what do they say where you’re from? ‘Merry Christmas, y’all?’”

Carisi laughs harder. “I’m from Staten Island, not the Deep South!”

Rafael works not to smile. He hates that he actually smiles for, laughs at, Carisi now. He hates even more how easy it is.

“Had me fooled,” Rafael says. “Mira, escucha—“

Carisi’s smile falls to a little, genuine one. And actually, Rafael likes that one best, because Carisi’s dimples are still prominent and his eyes literally sparkle.

God, Rafael is wrecked.

“Listen,” Rafael translates, “Repeat after me. “Fe-liz.”

Sonny repeats, his Staten Island accent still strong but the second try much better than the first. “Fe-liz.”

“Mhm. Na—“

“Na—“

“Vi—“

“Vi—“

“Dad—“

“Dad—“

“Navidad,” Rafael says slowly but fast enough that it sounds like the real word.

“Navidad,” Carisi repeats almost perfectly.

“Mejor, better. Now together. Feliz Navidad.”

“Feliz Navidad,” Carisi tries, but it’s much better.

“Not completely terrible,” Rafael tells him.

Carisi gives a half grin. “Maybe you could teach me some more some time.”

Rafael looks at him. He looks honest, open, flirtatious. Rafael loves it.

“I’d like that.”

Carisi’s eyes sparkle again. Rafael hates it.

“Alright,” Carisi says. “Well, I’ll see you later, Barba. Have a good night.”

Rafael nods. “Good night to you as well, Carisi.”

Carisi is almost to the door when he turns back again. “And Feliz Navidad, Rafael.”

Rafael smiles. He allows himself to give Carisi the knowledge that he’s been pleased. It’s rare enough that Rafael can consider it a gift to Carisi.

So, Rafael replies, “Merry Christmas, Sonny.”

Carisi gives one last smile, then disappears through the door. Rafael decides he will have a merry Christmas, indeed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No lie. I like this song by the Cheetah Girls. Remember Cheetah Girls?! Also, Michael Buble (of course). 
> 
> Sonny is a nerd.


	19. Santa Tell Me (Ariana Grande)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: pining, flirting, Sonny is scared

Sonny sips slowly at the beer sitting on the table in front of him. He’s talking Christmas with Rollins and Fin as Barba and Benson refill their own drinks at the bar. Sonny watches from his perch as Barba talks to the bartender and then Benson; he’s standing against the bar instead of sitting at a stool, his hip jutted out and Sonny can’t stop staring.

“I’ll tell you this, I wish there was a Santa Claus,” he says.

Rollins sways as she laughs. “Why? Got somethin’ in mind you want under your tree this year?”

Sonny shrugs. “Nah, not really. I just...” Sonny sighs.

“What?”

“It’s stupid.”

Fin finally speaks up. “Stupider than wanting Barba in the first place?”

Sonny blushes all the way up to his ears. Everyone knowing he has the hots for the esteemed A.D.A. is one thing. Being called out on it openly in public is another.

Rollins shakes her head. “Don’t listen to him, Carisi. What could Santa do for you?”

Sonny rambles as he watches Barba. “Nah, it’s not really Santa. I just wanna know if pursuing him is worth it, you know? I’ve had my heart broken one too many times, I think. I don’t want my heart broken again, especially by him. I wanna know if it’s worth it.”

Fin snorts out a laugh. Sonny looks at them, and Rollins is smiling softly at him, but Sonny recognizes that look of, ‘that’s he dumbest thing I’ve ever heard’.

“See?” Sonny sighs. “Told ya it was stupid.”

“Carisi,” Fin says as Sonny looks down at his hands to avoid their gazes. “If you don’t see that Barba’s crazy about you then you really are stupid.”

Sonny slowly looks up. “What?”

Rollins is laughing now. “You’re funny, Carisi. I can’t believe—is that why you haven’t just asked him out?”

“Well...”

Fin laughs, too.

“Oh, Carisi,” Rollins sighs.

Before Sonny can say anything more, Benson and Barba make it back to their table.

“What’d Carisi do now?” Barba asks, sliding into the booth far too close to Sonny. And Sonny is just now noticing that: Barba is always far too close to him, especially when they’re all interacting socially.

“Nothin’,” Sonny says, looking at Barba.

Barba looks back, fondly.

Sonny realizes he has been stupid wondering if Barba would break his heart. Sonny’s been wasting too much time being afraid. And of what? Something that could happen with anyone? It’s just that he likes Barba so much that he would truly be devastated to have the chance with him only for it to be broken.

Sonny smiles at him, at the thought, the hope, the wonder. Barba slowly smiles back as if he’s in on the same joke.

“Earth to Carisi And Barba,” Rollins says, breaking them out of their sweet staring. “I was saying you were wishin’ there really was a Santa.”

“Yeah,” Sonny just agrees. “But maybe I don’t need him after all.”

He glances at Rollins and Fin, and they just smile knowingly, as if knowing Sonny is seeing what they’ve seen.

Sonny knows he need not be afraid, and soon he’ll ask Barba out for a real date. And Barba won’t break his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is really cute. I think it’s like a backwards Last Christmas. You’ve gotta listen to it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Marshmallow World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: one too many sweets

Rafael knew Sonny’s baking would be his demise. Or, he should have known. When Sonny makes cookies, pies, a cake, anything, Rafael has trouble saying no, trouble stopping at one.

Rafael’s reclined against the arm of the couch, rubbing his sour tummy and groaning when an acidic bubble boils in his belly.

Sonny approaches, setting down a glass of ginger ale and grinning.

“I told you you were overdoing it,” he comments.

“I told you to stop making the cookies after the first batch.”

“I gotta take ‘em to my mom’s! And now there’s significantly less to take!”

Rafael groans again.

“Come on, baby. Sit up, take a drink.”

Rafael pretends to struggle to sit up so Sonny will feel sorry for him.

“This is your fault,” Rafael comments.

“What?! My fault?! How?”

“You had to be born good at baking!”

Sonny laughs. “I’m the one who wanted to take a walk, look at the snow, cuddle a little in front of the fire when we got home freezing cold. You’re the one who decided to eat a bunch of cookies and throw up before we could—“ Sonny pauses, staring at Rafael. “Wait,” he continues, “Did you make yourself sick so I wouldn’t make you go for a walk in the snow?”

Rafael sips his drink and tries to look innocent. When he can’t drink anymore and is forced to lower the glass, he mutters, “Now, that’s crazy, Sonny. Does that sound like something I would do?”

“Yes,” Sonny says.

“Baby, have I ever told you I love how well you know me?”

“Uh huh,” Sonny replies. “You realize I’ll just make you go tomorrow.”

“Aren’t you making pies tomorrow?”

Sonny laughs. “Okay, you win.”

Rafael nods. “Thank you.”

Sonny walks away with Rafael’s empty glass. “But you’re gonna help me make pies.”

Rafael groans again. “Sonny!” he cries, following Sonny into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m so far behind! I’ll try to catch up. I’m actually working on a longer AU based on a movie I like.
> 
> This is one of my favorite Christmas songs! Dean Martin sang this song, but I also like it by Darlene Love or The Regrettes.


	21. Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: A Sebastian fic!

It was Rafael’s turn this year to pick a Christmas Day activity that the three of them could enjoy without the pressure of the rest of their family. Sebastian was glad, because, not that he doesn’t appreciate Sonny’s gifts or the New York Knicks, he was just excited to see what Rafael had in store for them.

Sebastian had an idea that it was something to do with theater when, at his Grammy’s house after church on Christmas Eve, Rafael asked Sebastian to change into pajamas and lay his suit out nicely so it wouldn’t get crumpled. Sebastian only wears suits to two places: church and the theater. He had high hopes that Rafael’s surprise isn’t church again.

Sure enough, on Christmas morning, Sebastian opened the tiny gift box to reveal three tickets. However, it wasn’t to a play that he recognized immediately.

“The Nutcracker?” Sebastian questions, unimpressed.

Rafael mocks pain. “Ow, my heart.”

Sonny chuckles. “Son, it’s, like, the world’s most important ballet.”

Sebastian barely holds back a groan. “A ballet?”

No singing, no words, just music and ballerinas. Sebastian likes shows, loves musicals, but the ballet?

Still, he spends the day looking forward to the evening with his dads, even if he’ll be bored out of his mind.

They arrive at the theater with enough time to get hot chocolate and a treat. Sebastian is excited and careful not to get any hot chocolate on his suit, but he is still dreading the boring ballet.

Before they go in find their seats, Rafael excuses himself to go to the restroom. As he walks away, Sebastian watching Sonny kneel in front of him to tie his shoe he didn’t even notice was untied.

“You know,” Sonny says, “Your dad dragged me to my first ballet, too. My first orchestra concert, symphony, all that boring stuff.”

“You don’t like it, either?”

“I didn’t say that,” Sonny says. “What I’m saying is to have an open mind. It might surprise you.”

Sebastian doubts it, but he stops groaning at the thought of watching the show for hours.

“Come on, lets get out seats. Dad’ll catch up.”

They get to their seats while the orchestra is tuning their instruments, and Sebastian finds that pretty amazing. He’s a fan of music, loves his music class, and knows that orchestras are an important part of plays, too.

Then, the lights dim and Sebastian tuckers in for a long evening.  
—

Sebastian has never been so glad to be wrong. Sure, the beginning is a bit slow, but the music, even the dancing...how do they move like that? How can they so expertly tell a story without words? How do they remember every tiny movement they must make in order to convey a thought?

It’s incredible, really, and by the middle Sebastian is transfixed. He’s captivated by everything: the music drumming through his veins, making his heart beat faster, the fluidity of movement from the dancers. Everything.

When it ends, Sebastian is disappointed. He thought he would be eager for the show to let out, but instead he wishes it could go on longer.

“So,” Sonny asks as they step out into the busy, cold street. “What did you think?”

“It was incredible!” Sebastian bursts.

“Really?” Rafael asks, surprised.

“Yes! It was amazing! I really thought it would suck Dad, but it didn’t!”

Rafael laughs. “Sound familiar?” he asks, looking at Sonny.

Sonny smiles.

“And I was hoping you’d like it,” Rafael says, producing a box seemingly out of nowhere. Sebastian didn’t notice him holding anything.

Rafael continues, “I got this for you in the off chance you’d like it.”

Sebastian takes the box. It’s about the size of a shoe box. “What is it?” he asks.

“Open it.”

Sebastian does. He pulls out of the thick foam inside and pulls the sides apart. It’s a nutcracker that looks like the rat king.

“Wow!” Sebastian cries. “He’s cool!”

“Yeah?” Rafael says. “For some reason I thought you’d like the rat king.”

Sebastian laughs. “I do. Thanks, Dad. And I’m sorry for being a brat about coming in the first place. I should’ve trusted you and known it would be great.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Rafael jokes. “But I’m glad you ended up liking it.”

They walk down the street to get a cab for home, Sebastian examining every bit of the nutcracker.

“Hey, can we go again next year?” Sebastian asks.

“What, no Christmas Day Knick’s game?” Sonny asks.

Sebastian shrugs. “Well—“

Sonny shakes his head. “Hey, maybe next year can be your turn to choose.”

Sebastian smiles. He already knows what he’ll choose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE the Nutcracker. I love it even more now because my little sister is a ballerina and this year she played Clara in the Ballet Arizona production, which is like the third largest production in the US. It’s amazing! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


	22. Merry Christmas Darling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Very short, no dialogue, established relationship

Rafael was really looking forward to Christmas Eve, possibly for the first time in his entire life. Well, his adult life, at least. Sonny was in his life, finally, and Sonny was just about the human epitome of Christmas spirit. Rafael didn’t know why he never saw it before, but really. Bright lights, sweet treats, joyous music? It’s all Sonny.

Maybe that’s just what Sonny brought to Rafael’s life, his heart. He brought the Christmas spirit. He made every day feel like a special holiday to Rafael. He made every day feel like the best day of the year. Rafael loved him for that.

Rafael had everything prepared; the tree had been decorated beautifully weeks before, Rafael had spent the day before Christmas Eve baking some snacks, presents were wrapped, fresh wood was chopped and ready to be lit in the fireplace. All that was missing was a beautiful Staten Island boy.

Because Sonny was called in. Rafael was incredibly disappointed, but he didn’t say it. Duty called. He knew Sonny had to go.

Sonny promised to hurry back.

Hours passed. There was no fire. The lights on the tree shone slightly more dim. There was no hot chocolate, no presents unwrapped, no treats eaten. Rafael was sad. All he wanted was to be with Sonny for Christmas Eve.

He wished so badly for Sonny to be home, for the quiet evening they deserved.

Oh well, Rafael thought as his eyes drifted shut in front of a terrible Christmas movie. There’s always next year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is of course by The Carpenters!
> 
> Merry Christmas! 
> 
> I still have a few days to catch up on, so I’ll be posting a few more later to finish.


	23. Hey Santa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Established relationship, misunderstandings? Maybe?

Rafael had made a mistake.

Their relationship was young, young by Rafael’s standards—nine months old, okay?—and he told Sonny that he expected nothing during the holidays more than maybe a little gift, just for being close for so long. He may have said he tends to get everyone gifts, and he didn’t notice Sonny’s face fall until he replayed the event in his head later.

Rafael had made a mistake.

Sonny made other plans, plans to go to his mom’s like he does every year, even though it became clear that Sonny wanted to make other plans. That he wanted to make plans with Rafael and Rafael turned him down.

Rafael regretted all of it instantly on Christmas Eve, when he found himself alone in his big, empty, cold apartment. There were lights strung sporadically through the apartment, the tiny tree Sonny had insisted was too cute not to get was lit but disappointing.

There were no presents under the tree, but Rafael only wished for one thing: to take it all back and get Sonny home again.

Home, where he did not live. Home, where Rafael was. Home, where he belonged.

That’s all Rafael wanted.

Rafael lit a fire, but the apartment was still cold and lonely. Rafael checked his watch while draining the last of his drink. It was almost midnight, almost Christmas, and Santa hadn’t yet delivered his present. His Sonny.

Rafael decided he’d better get some sleep. He turned off the tree, unplugged the decorative lights, put out the fire, then carried his glass to the kitchen.

Then, he heard what he swore was sleigh bells. It was the jingling of a key in the knob, and he knew it was Sonny using his spare key. At least, he hoped.

Sure enough, Sonny pushed the door open. He was holding a duffel bag and a Tupperware container of food.

“Sonny!” Rafael gasped.

“Look, Rafi,” Sonny said. “I’m not gonna act like I’m not still real hurt by you not wanting to spend Christmas with me, but I understand you’re new to this long term relationship stuff.”

Is that what it was? A long term relationship?

Yes, Rafael suddenly realized. He’s in it for the long haul.

“But normal people? They wanna spend holidays with the people they love.”

Rafael’s cold heart warmed. It grew three sizes.

Sonny swept in for a quick kiss. “Merry Christmas, Rafi.”

Rafael cracked a small smile.

Santa’s delivery was just what he asked for. Everything was suddenly warm. The street lights from outside shone like Christmas lights in the white night. It was beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is by Carnie and Wendy Wilson and was prompted by SonicGavel! Hope it’s okay.


	24. Shake Up Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: first meeting, alternative meeting, Sebastian!, Rafael is a single father

Rafael dragged his little boy through the isles and displays at Macy’s, all in search of the man in red. Sebastian had begged and begged for weeks for Rafael to take him to see Santa, and Rafael finally caved when he ran out of excuses why they couldn’t.

So he found himself, days before Christmas, pushing through the crowds to get close enough in line that they wouldn’t be waiting for hours.

Still, the line was long, and Rafael could think of about a million other things he’d rather be doing. On the list were: paperwork, road trip, anything in New Jersey, or plucking off his toenails one by one.

Nonetheless, Sebastian was ecstatic, and Rafael was as tolerant as he could be.

As they waited, the unfortunate elves working this job would come by to give them an estimated wait time or treats. Most had little Hershey’s Kisses, some had miniature candy canes, but Rafael had noticed the kids get a full sized candy cane from Santa himself. Great, Rafael thought, watching Sebastian stuff another Kiss into his little mouth. Just what he needed: a six year old’s sugar rush.

One thing did catch Rafael’s eye, making the experience slightly more pleasant. There was a very cute elf serving the kids chocolates and making them laugh when he past. His name tag said Sunny, but he noticed another elf’s name tag said Daisy, and another Flower, so he wondered if they were really these peoples’ names or just names they chose as whimsical elves.

Sunny was beautiful, his eyes swimmingly blue and cheeks rosy like Santa Claus. He was as jolly as an elf should be, and his smile was bright like the sun. Maybe that’s why he chose that name.

Every time Sunny past, giving Sebastian extra chocolates to Rafael’s dismay, he would smile sweetly at Rafael and Rafael swore he’d flirt. He’d talk quietly, make Rafael laugh, and Rafael really liked it. He liked getting attention that no other parents were getting, he liked being flirted with.

He was too lonely. It had been years since Sebastian’s mother passed, years since he’d had a date and hated it, years since he didn’t have a small boy sleeping in his bed. Now, Sebastian was six, and Rafael was finally getting over unintentional heartbreak.

But, Rafael knew deep down that he probably would not pursue anything with the jolly elf. Not only was the man about ten years younger than he, but he worked at Macy’s for God’s sake. Rafael had a little bit higher standards than that. He wasn’t that lonely.

Rafael noticed Sebastian eyeing him every time Sunny past.

“What?” Rafael questioned.

Sebastian looked away. “Nothing, nothing.”

Rafael tapped him in a light shove. Sebastian grinned and shoved back.

Then, Rafael noticed Sebastian staring at Sunny. Rafael constantly insisted that staring wasn’t kind, and he couldn’t figure out why he’d even be staring at Sonny.

“Daddy,” Sebastian finally asked, “Do you think that man’s a real elf?”

Rafael caught a few parents around them glaring, no doubt worried Sebastian would ‘ruin it’ for their kids. And he didn’t know what to say.

Sunny finally past again.

“Mr. Sunny,” Sebastian called him over.

“What’s up, little man?” Sunny kneeled in front of Sebastian. Rafael liked him a little bit more because of the attention he gave Sebastian. Sure, it was his job to give the kids attention, but it wasn’t unnoticed by Rafael that no other parents are holding about eighteen crumpled Hershey’s Kisses foils in their hand.

“Are you a real elf?”

Sunny glanced up at Rafael, who must have had a blank expression, because Sunny took over.

“Wanna know a secret, pal?”

Sebastian nodded.

“I’m not a real elf, you know why? Santa over there couldn’t bring any from the North Pole because they’re all busy workin’ on toys.”

“Really?” Sebastian asked, hopeful.

“Yeah. But Santa picked me and all the other elves here to help out.”

“How come he picked you?”

“Santa likes to help people in need, right? Well, I needed a job. I’m taking a break from my real job.”

“What’s your real job?”

“I’m a police officer,” Sunny said, to Rafael’s surprise. He’s not a jobless grown man who just needed something to do. “But I got hurt, so I can’t work, so Santa hired me.”

“Wow,” Sebastian said, eyes wide.

“Yup,” Sunny said to him, then stood from where he was kneeling on the ground. “What’s your name, buddy?”

“Sebastian Eduardo Barba.”

“What do you want for Christmas, Sebastian Eduardo Barba? That way I can put in a good word with the big man.”

Sebastian glanced at Rafael, grew a silly grin on his face, then flexed his finger to pull Sunny close again. Sunny happily kneeled once again, then Sebastian leaned in to whisper in his ear.

Rafael wondered what Sebastian could have possibly been telling the stranger because he spoke for far longer than saying something like a simple toy. It wasn’t until Sunny smiled sweetly at Rafael that he got the idea that something was up.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Sunny said as he sat back to stand.

“Thanks,” Sebastian said, smiling as Sunny walked away.

Finally, what seemed like hours later, their turn in line came and Sebastian excitedly jumped onto Santa’s lap.

“Refresh my memory, young man. What’s your name?” Santa asked.

“My name’s Sebastian Eduardo Barba and I’m six.”

“Six? Wow! And you’ve gotten so big since last year.”

Sebastian’s jaw dropped a little as he smiled in awe.

“Well, what can I get you for Christmas this year, Sebastian?”

“Well,” Sebastian said, “It’s a secret. Can I tell you in your ear?”

“Certainly,” Santa said, then leaned in so Sebastian could whisper to him.

Rafael was dying to know what Sebastian could possibly be asking for. Then Santa looked at Rafael the same way Sunny had. Rafael felt out of a joke that was about him. He was sure Sebastian couldn’t be asking for anything terrible, but what could it be?

Santa laughed as he sat back. “Well, Sebastian, I’m not sure if that’s a gift I can give, but I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

Dios mio, Rafael thought. What could he have possibly asked for?

After a photo was snapped by another elf, Sebastian’s time ended and he reluctantly climbed off Santa’s lap.

“See you next year, Sebastian!” Santa said as Sebastian went to Rafael and took his hand.

“Bye, Santa,” Sebastian sadly said.

Rafael pulled Sebastian slower than they had when they entered the store. He knew Sebastian was sad. “You’ll see him next year, baby.”

“I know, but—“

“Hey,” Rafael stopped him, kneeling to be level with him. “Is this about what you asked for? What was it, so I can help?”

Before Sebastian could say anything, Rafael heard footsteps jogging toward them.

“Hey, Sebastian!” It was Sunny.

Sebastian’s look of excitement mirrored the way Rafael’s heart felt.

Sunny held up a big candy cane. “Hey, you forgot a treat from Santa.”

Sebastian took it with grand joy.

“You didn’t have to,” Rafael said, standing. “He just ate about two dozen Kisses.”

Sunny laughed. “Yeah, well. It’s from Santa, not me.”

“Well, thank you,” Rafael said, ignoring Sebastian breaking the plastic and stuffing the candy in his mouth because he didn’t want to scold Sebastian in front of someone he wanted to impress.

“Well...” Sunny sighed, implying he needed to go.

Rafael decided to take a chance. Maybe it was the festivity, maybe it was the Christmas spirit, maybe it was that this man was truly ridiculously gorgeous.

“I’m Rafael,” Rafael blurted before he could leave.

Sunny smiled. “Sonny.”

Rafael glanced at his name tag, wanting his real name.

“Oh, no, well, my name’s Dominick Carisi Jr., but my nickname really is Sonny. It’s nice to meet you.”

Rafael smiled now. “You too.”

“Uh...” Sonny sighed again, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I...I don’t usually do this, but...you wanna go out with me? After the holidays? I’ll be much more free then.”

Rafael’s smile grew. “I’d love to.”

Sonny didn’t stop smiling while Rafael fished out a business card. Rafael admittedly forgot he was getting picked up right in front of his six year old. He didn’t look at Sebastian until Sonny did, and he saw a very pleased look on Sebastian’s face.

Sonny bid them goodbye and trotted back to his station. Rafael looked down at Sebastian again, who was smiling up at him happily.

“Daddy,” Sebastian said as they still stood there where the handsome stranger left them. “I have a secret to tell you.”

“What?” Rafael ventured. He pulled Sebastian’s hand so they could head out of the store.

“My Christmas wish was that Mr. Sonny would ask you on a date,” Sebastian said between licks to his candy cane.

First, Rafael felt terribly embarrassed that Sebastian actually said that to two strangers. But...it worked. Sonny did as wished.

“You did, huh? So Santa and I don’t have to get you any toys?”

Sebastian’s eyes grew comically wide. “Wait, Daddy...that...that was more a wish for you...”

Rafael laughed. He reached for Sebastian and lifted him into his arms. He kissed Sebastian’s cheek as Sebastian winced.

“Come on,” Rafael said. “Let’s get some lunch. And no more sweets today!”

“Aww!” Sebastian groaned.

Rafael just laughed, feeling giddy and all around delighted at how their morning ended.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song is by Train! The lyrics really have...nothing to do with the story...but I was listening to the song when the story came to me. I love this song! One of my favorites!
> 
> One more to go. If I don’t get it up tonight, I will tomorrow. Merry Christmas, if you celebrate!


	25. Blue Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G  
> Additional tags: Sonny is sad, angst, Rafael is trying to help him feel better

Sonny has been a mess of stress for months. It started with Gina’s car accident, where she broke her wrist and was stuck in a hospital for days. Then, his mom Deb fell and required knee surgery. Then, Bella’s pregnancy had complications and she ended up giving birth two months early. Between all of that and work, Sonny was a mess come Christmas.

He was so distraught and distracted by the year that he didn’t bring up Christmas on December 1st like he usually did. He didn’t rush to his mom’s to decorate. He didn’t immediately begin planning the sweets he’d be baking for their Christmas Eve get together. He didn’t begin buying gifts. He didn’t get out the tree—the fake one Rafael bought a few years ago after Sonny had left a real one up so long that it died a horrible death.

Rafael felt terrible. He didn’t know how to help other than to be there for Sonny. All year had been Rafael to the rescue with cuddles, comfort, the right foods, alcohol, and days off that he’d beg Liv for when Sonny wouldn’t ask.

With one week until Christmas, Rafael realized he had one last job for the year to do: give Sonny a happy Christmas, lest they be stuck with a blue Christmas. Sonny deserved it after the year he had. He deserved to enjoy the happiest time of year that he usually loved so much.

Rafael tried. “Want to put the tree up tonight, baby?”

“Nah, I don’t feel like it.”

He tried again. “Want to bake some cookies?”

“Nah, not hungry.”

Rafael tried one last time that evening. “Want a holiday drink, babe? I can run out for some eggnog. Hot cocoa?”

Sonny snuggled up to Rafael more. “Nah, stay right here.”

So Rafael did. He stayed put.

The next morning, Sonny left for work far before Rafael would, and that gave Rafael a chance to call in ‘sick’. He wasn’t sick, Carmen knew that, but he didn’t have court and his baby needed cheering up.

Over the past few years with Sonny, Rafael got used to Christmas and all the other holidays. He got used to over the top Valentine’s gifts and learned to give his own. He got used to Easter mass and his tie inevitably being ruined by dye splashing on it while helping the kids paint eggs. He got used to Fourth of July’s on Staten Island and Halloween’s wearing ridiculous couples costumes. He got used to Thanksgivings with the entire Carisi clan. Christmas was of course added to the list, but knowing how happy Christmas made Sonny, how much he loved Christmas, it helped Rafael love it, too.

That’s why this year was so devastating. Seeing Sonny mope without a joyous tune to his step, hearing him threaten to not even go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve, Rafael’s heart just about broke for Sonny. It was like Sonny learned there’s no Santa.

So, during his off day, Rafael planned to do everything Sonny would do.

He tried to plan meticulously, as a lot of it was time sensitive. He’d need to get a tree, need to shop for presents to put under the tree, need to bake, need to do other decorating, and he’d need to do it all before Sonny got home.

Rafael decided the first step was the tree, but that was easy because he knew a guy who could deliver one to his house. He called and they gave him the estimate that it’d be delivered in two hours, and that was perfect because it gave Rafael time to go to the grocery store and to shop for a few presents.

Rafael’s plan for Christmas was to get Sonny a nice new watch, as he’s not really a jewelry guy. He had his Crucifix necklace, but he’d never replace that. So, Rafael’s first stop was to a jeweler where he bought Sonny a fancy new watch.

His second stop was at one of their favorite clothing stores for a few new sweaters for Sonny. The thing that caught his eye, though, that wasn’t on the list, was a set of matching Christmas pajamas for Sonny and himself. They were just on the cute side of ridiculous and Rafael had to get them.

Rafael was having a very successful shopping trip by the time he got to the grocery store. He had luckily made a list, therefor knew everything he needed for Sonny’s favorite cookies: snickerdoodles, chocolate chip, peanut butter, and oatmeal. Rafael quickly grabbed everything he needed and left.

He made it home with a few minutes to spare before the arrival of the tree, so Rafael made himself another cup of coffee and mixed in peppermint creamer to get into the Christmas spirit. He had been so used to Sonny’s jovial Christmas mood for it to suddenly end this year that Rafael thought maybe he could convince himself it was December the 1st and they were starting fresh.

Finally, the tree arrived while Rafael was beginning the chocolate chip cookies. He helped the delivery men set it up, paid his guy, and they were gone in twenty minutes.

Rafael stood back and admired the work so far. A big, fresh, green tree sat in the corner of their living room as snow gently fell beyond the window behind it. Presents were awaiting their wrapping. It truly was beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Rafael continued with the baking. While a batch was baking, he would kill time by decorating. He got out the lights, checked that they all worked, and began to string them on the tree. Halfway through, it was time to put in a new batch. Then, he mixed another mix. Then, he put in a batch of the new dough. Then, he finished the lights. Then, he replaced the batch in the oven with a new one. Then, he got out the tree decorations. Then, he took out the last of the second kind of cookie and began making a new dough.

The process continued all day, only replacing decorating with wrapping the presents. Luckily, he remembered to take a quick break to eat, or else he would’ve collapsed about halfway through.

Rafael finished everything by four in the afternoon. He was exhausted. He stood back to take stock of his work and was pleased; the tree was beautiful, the apartment smelled amazing, the cookies came out greater than he could have ever hoped (he’s not the family baker), and he was excited about Sonny’s gifts.

Rafael fell onto the couch tiredly. Now, there was nothing more to do than to wait for Sonny.

Rafael really hoped Sonny would like what he’d done. He hoped Sonny’s lack of Christmas spirit was just because of stress and not because he truly didn’t want to celebrate that year. He hoped Sonny wouldn’t ask him to take everything down, to throw the tree out.

Rafael just felt as though they had a lot to celebrate that year. Gina ended up okay despite being in the terrible accident, Deb was healing, Bella’s baby was doing well, and everything, all in all, was fine. Nobody died. Life continued. If anything, Rafael felt the Christmas spirit and felt thankful for their blessings enough to celebrate the holiday. Unfortunately, Sonny didn’t see it that way, and Rafael feared he’d made a mistake.

The clock chimed five and Sonny didn’t walk through the door, as expected. By six, he still wasn’t home. At seven o’clock, Rafael finally called before he could work himself into anxiety wondering if Sonny would like the surprise.

“Hey babe,” Sonny answered. “What’s up?”

“Hey, I’m just wondering where you are.”

“Ah, shit, you’re home already?” Sonny sighed. “I thought maybe you were swamped all day and wouldn’t get home ‘til late.”

That could explain why Rafael didn’t see Sonny at work. If he was busy at his office, he wouldn’t have gone to the precinct or called Sonny over.

“Oh, yeah,” Rafael lied. “But I’m home. Just want you to come home.”

Sonny sounded so blue. Rafael couldn’t help but feel sad for him.

“I’ll be home soon, okay? Want me to pick up dinner.”

“I’ll order,” Rafael said. “Just come home.”

“Okay,” Sonny said.

“I love you,” Rafael tried.

“Love you, too,” Sonny muttered before hanging up.

Rafael was sad. He severely hoped the change to the apartment would cheer Sonny up.

Rafael ordered, as promised, from Sonny’s favorite pizza place. They had beer in the fridge that Sonny would like, and cookies to last them weeks. Rafael was sure Sonny would cheer up at least a little bit tonight.

Sonny arrived after the food did, close to 8 o’clock. Rafael heard his key against the knob and his stomach flipped in nervous anticipation. He was anxious, his fingers tapping on the kitchen island where he stood, waiting.

The door finally opened and Sonny just let it swing fully before stepping inside. Rafael could tell he was in major shock.

“What the—“ he began.

Rafael stepped toward him and cut him off. “Surprise!” he awkwardly said. “Merry Christmas, baby.”

Sonny finally stepped into their apartment and dropped his bag from his shoulder. He just looked stunned, and Rafael couldn’t tell if it was a good stunned or a bad stunned. He was motionless once his bag hit the floor; his body still but for his eyes, which darted around the room taking it all in.

Rafael let him still for about a minute, then he couldn’t take it anymore and stepped forward.

“Sonny?” he asked.

“H-how...”

“I skipped work today,” Rafael explained. “I just thought...we need a little Christmas. And if you don’t like it, I’m sorry, I can—“

Suddenly, Rafael was being pulled into a hug. Sonny’s strong arms wrapped around his neck and Sonny’s face pressed against his. It wasn’t a second later that Rafael felt warm tears against his own skin.

“Honey,” he whispered. “Please don’t cry, I’m sorry—“

“Don’t be sorry,” Sonny said, his voice gray. Rafael could feel all of Sonny’s stress of the past year relieving itself. “Don’t be sorry, baby, I love it.”

“Really?” Rafael asked, so glad.

Sonny pulled back but held Rafael’s face between his big hands. He gently kissed Rafael’s forehead, and it was the most genuine kiss Sonny had given in months.

Sonny kissed his lips next, and though it was sweet and short, Rafael felt it all the way to his toes.

Sonny rested his forehead against Rafael’s and closed his eyes. Rafael gently rubbed his back.

“This year has just been so awful,” Sonny said. “I’m sorry I haven’t been the best company—“

“Don’t apologize,” Rafael said. “I understand, okay? And I’m here, of course. I just thought we needed the Christmas spirit.”

Sonny hugged him again while looking around the room. “I love it so much, thank you.”

Rafael pulled away from their hug first and led him through the room.

“Real tree,” he pointed out first.

Sonny sniffed it. “Wonderful.”

Rafael pointed to the presents under the tree. “Real presents.”

Sonny smiled. “I’ll get yours under there.”

Rafael waved him off but was still excited about the idea of presents. Next, he led Sonny to the decorations spotted on the shelves.

“Your grandma’s Nativity scene, your favorite Coca-Cola Santa, your snow globes, your train set.”

Sonny smiled wider at each decoration. It made Rafael so happy to see him smile the way he hadn’t in months.

Next, Rafael took Sonny to the kitchen.

“Snickerdoodles, chocolate chip, peanut butter, and oatmeal. All made from scratch by yours truly.”

Sonny laughed. “Are you sure they’re edible?”

“Hey!” Rafael cried, then realized he was right. “Well, we’ll just have to see.”

Sonny happily grabbed a snickerdoodle. He took a careful bite, tentatively chewed, and had a thoughtful look while doing so. Rafael watched him anxiously.

Finally, Sonny’s face broke into a grin. “These are great, Rafi!”

Rafael breathed out a relieved sigh. “Give me a heart attack, why don’t you?”

Sonny smiled widely and kissed Rafael’s head. He wrapped an arm around Rafael’s shoulders.

“I can’t believe you did this, Rafi, thank you so much.”

“Of course. I love you so much, Sonny. It’s killed me to see you so upset all year. I promise to do everything I can to make next year better.”

“You do, Rafi. Every day with you is better than it could be.”

Rafael smiled. He leaned in and gave Sonny a long, slow kiss.

Sonny’s stomach growling broke their kiss before it could get too heated. Still, Rafael had ended up with his back against the island and Sonny between his legs.

“What’d you order for dinner?” Sonny asked against Rafael’s lips.

“What do you think? Pizza and beer.”

Sonny playfully bit his bottom lip. “You did all this and got me pizza? Oh, baby, you are so getting laid tonight.”

Rafael squeezed his hips, Sonny give him one last, quick, dirty kiss, then stepped away quickly, leaving Rafael panting and his head swimming.

They sat in front of the beautiful tree to eat their pizza, talking with much more liveliness and excitement than they had lately. When their dinner was finished, they snuggled under a blanket on the couch.

“I still can’t believe you did all this,” Sonny said. “By yourself, too.”

“You don’t have to sound so shocked. I am capable.”

Sonny laughed. He kissed Rafael’s head.

“You’re the best, Rafi.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, Sonny.”

Sonny laughed again. It was joyous music to Rafael’s ears, better than any Christmas song.

“But,” Sonny said, and Rafael should’ve known there’d be a ’but’. “If I had to offer any help—“

“Don’t—“

“There’s no wreath on the front door, no gingerbread, no Christmas music, no—“

Rafael just rolled his eyes while pushing the blanket off him to stand. He picked up theirs plates to take to the sink while Sonny was laughing and begging him to come back.

“Do it yourself next year,” Rafael said.

“You didn’t even get out my little North Pole police car? Geez, I guess I’ll need to—“

Rafael threw a cookie, hitting the back of Sonny’s head perfectly. Sonny laughed loudly, and Rafael loved it.

Rafael succeeded in bringing joy back to Sonny, in bringing him the most wonderful time of the year after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am Sonny this year. My sisters were in a terrible accident (they’re fine now), my Nana had knee surgery and broke her arm after a fall, my nephew was just born three months early, and I just have general life to worry about. But don’t worry, everything is good. I have been blue, I’ve been sick, I haven’t had the easiest year, but it’s okay. 
> 
> So, Merry Christmas once again. This is officially over. Until next year! Please let me know what you thought.
> 
> Did you spot the four hidden song titles?


End file.
